I do believe it is theoretically possible, that God can reach him. But I can't keep being "boundariless" and "submissive" to the point of being a doormat (a doormat that actually supports the family too! What a cool doormat!) while I wait for God to work on him.
Perhaps God is waiting for YOU to act, and to stop enabling your husband's poor behavior, and to stand up for holiness in your marriage.
Yes, Jesus forgave teh adulteress, but He also told her to "go and sin no more," and He also stirred up His righteous indignation and threw over the moneychangers' tables who were defiling His Father's temple.
I think you need to reach deep down and determine what your short-list of "dealbreakers" are. I call these your "Boundaries of Personal Integrity," and they are slightly different from person to person, but I assume from your posts that yours include "I will not live in an open marriage" and "I will not support us both, financially, and I CERTAINLY will not financially enable your affair!"
Your problem is, you SAY these things (or something similar), but I'm afraid your husband has most likely learned to tune them out. He is instead focusing on your ACTIONS, which say loud-and-clear to him that you WILL tolerate these things he is doing.
I'm sorry to be so harsh, but it's really as simple as that. It's not EASY, mind you, but is IS very SIMPLE.
