Feeling alone and frustrated with a 180.

[aeolianchaos]

Hey Man..

Don't worry about it. You got yourself worked up about something unnecessarily. You also recognized it. Which of these do you think is a sign of progress?

So, all this morning, I have been freaking out. Was I only doing so well because W was not there for me to fret over? I feel so stupid, falling into this panic.

I think what you are feeling is a normal feeling under the circumstances. It doesn't mean you ought to act on it or anything, but you can sense the tenuousness of things and perhaps

You know, to show her I care about her without being desperate that she care about me.

Do that.

I think you have to be okay w/ the fact that right now your wife may not feel the same way that you do. This is a completely natural thing and people go through these cycles all the time. I think its largely when we suppose that because we are out of synch that something else is inherently wrong is were problems start to arise.

Once that fear kicks in, our thinking goes to our more 'reptilian' parts of the brain and we start acting in a way that really doesn't line up with our ideals of who we want to be. You are recognizing this before you see her, so you've got a good leg up on dealing with it.

Take some time and just breathe. Calm yourself down. Decide that you are going to be warm and kind to your W and children when they get home because that is how you feel about them.

Some other neat ideas for this - before they get home:

Think of times when you have been kind and understanding and polite in the past. This can help you have more self control right now.

Eat something with a little sugar in it about 10 minutes before they get home. This actually helps with self control.

Remind yourself why you want to be this way, and make a commitment to yourself that if you start to feel yourself getting anxious, you will remind yourself that you want to feel "relaxed and welcoming and warm" instead.


Don't focus on your anxieties or attach yourself to the feelings you don't really want to have in the first place.

So be warm - be kind and cheerful, but just don't pursue it or expect it to come back to you.

Psych, you are doing a really good job.