Just Be

[MHL]

Hi Denver,

I've read along and see lots of advice. I don't see where you say what you want to do. I think you should do what you want with your life. Because it is your life. Yours, and yours alone.

My point of view on the past month is not the same as everyone else's. It is likely an unpopular point of view. But I'm going to put it out there because I have read every word you attribute to your wife, and I just keep seeing it the same way. Your wife is an artist and makes a subsistence living. You are a lawyer and make a lot more money. When she pals up with you she can get things like trips to Disneyworld and other niceties. She's on board every time there is a concert or a trip. But then she's quick to remind you that you are not a family. Well, if you are not a family, what are you all doing in Disneyworld pretending to be a family?

So, sad to say, my take is that she uses you when it suits her, and then she rejects you. Yes, the oldest advice in the world; same as they told you in 7th grade. She is using you.

As the Fitzgeralds famously said, "Living well is the best revenge." I think you should live well, however you choose to live.

Lotus-

This is the opposite of what we do here at DB. You might personally feel that this is a possibility, but you have no idea of all of the intricacies of their relaitonship. Denver is also much smarter than this, if this was all there was, there would have been no long-term relationship with Denver.

The other point is -- we look to save marriages. Not to tell folks what is wrong with their relationship. They can get that anywhere.

dbmod,
I respectfully disagree with your assessment of what Lotus is suggesting here.

All Lotus is saying is to Denver is to "do what he wants with his life" and to "live well".

I believe that "dbing" as MWD describes it in DB and DR is to focus on yourself during this time......ie fix yourself first and try not to get caught up in what your spouse is doing.

I think that is what many posters to Denver's thread have been sugesting for awhile.

I believe that in general the advice is the same, which is.....

Stop engaging his W while she is undecided about whether or not she would like to "work" on the marriage.

To do otherwise will cause him pain.

What is different is "where" the advice comes from........

meaning does it come from a place of pride, jealousy, anger, retribution, etc.

or does it come from a place of love.

While Lotus's opinion or view of Denver's W's actions may be blunt and not soft and powdery.........it is acurate based on what Denver has shared with us.

however it is just a point of view not really advice.

So I would disagree that what Lotus said is "Not what we do here at DB".

Furthermore

I think it is beneficial to seek the advice of others that have gone through this before to get their perspective on "what is wrong with their relationship".

I happen to think that Denver's current relationship with his W is "wrong" for him............and I think he has finally figured that out.