I agree with Kaffe. Don't send TM's or emails while she's trying to get space. I recognize those feelings and I remember how desparately I wanted to just get away from my H so I could breathe.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
RO, the worst thing you can do right now be a presence to your W. When our spouses say they need "time and space", nothing else will do. We have to give it to them.
Leave her alone. Don't talk about anything that is not of life-or-death importance. No phone calls, no e-mails, no text messages, no smoke signals...nothing.
It is a hard fact to face, but she wants nothing to do with you right now, and the more you chase, the faster she will run.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
I agree with the others -- GIVE HER SPACE. No TMs, no "needy/grabby" behavior.
Your wife is angry right now -- LIVID, even -- because she very likely feels that "Oh great, NOW he makes these changes -- after HE FORCED ME to make some really STUPID DECISIONS, and now I've screwed up! How DARE he make these changes NOW, after I've been hurting for so long!!!"
Might not be fair, but that is likely the thought/feeling process she's going thru right now.
Thanks all. That’s exactly what I’m doing. Not real difficult to be honest with you. We did swap a few texts late last night. I was concerned for her safety. I was suspicious as to whether or not she was being honest about where she was going. She was driving 3 hours to get away last night??? Seems pretty illogical even considering our situation. I did ask if she was going where she said she was and if she had anywhere to stay yet. Didn’t ask if she was lying to me. She sent a TM around 1 last night that she was safe and just checked into a hotel.
I am not contacting her. I really don’t care where she is but I will be upset if I find out she lied to me. I don’t think she did. She did send me a few kids related TM’s today. I gave short and direct responses. No probing or any question whatsoever. She just sent me a TM saying she is not coming home tonight. Should be interesting.
Starsky…..I think/hope you’re on it like a fat kid on a cupcake. It seems that’s exactly what’s going on in her head. She is destroying a lot of lives without us working together at all to try to fix our M. I obviously have a biased view of this, but that just seems absolutely ludicrous.
Incidentally...even when I suspected she may be lying to me last night, I was not real upset. I think I may actually be dropping the rope. Last week, my perceptions of her possible deception drove me insane. I thinks that's good.
Incidentally...even when I suspected she may be lying to me last night, I was not real upset. I think I may actually be dropping the rope. Last week, my perceptions of her possible deception drove me insane. I thinks that's good.
It's very likely that she is lying.
It's also extremely likely that there's not much you can do about it -- she will do what she will do. All you can do is enforce your OWN boundaries, and not HER behavior.
My W gets extremely agitated when I am happy around the house. I’m working the 180 as much as possible. Is it possible to overdue it? My happiness is not manufactured for the most part. I am not acting. She is just frickin miserable most of the time and I am pretty upbeat these days. Am I pushing her away because of this?
My DB coach basically says I should try to make her comfortable around me. Make myself attractive. I think I am making myself attractive but is p’ing her off in the process productive? Can she be attracted to someone who makes her agitated because their happy? Weird situation.
