Happy Anniversary 25yearsmlc. Happy for you. Thank you for the input. I do appreciate it. Yes, calling tomorrow and telling her I want to file. I still can't believe it. It has been a hard day. I often wonder when do the tears stop? They are further and farther between which is good. I wonder if he will be surprised? I have always told H I wouldn't file. Oh well, not for me to worry about. I believe he has chose too. Very clearly. So forward I go.
Life, it is normal to feel sad. This is tough stuff. The tears will become less and less frequent.
I know how hard it is for you to file. Just try to remember that your h is in crisis and so it is up to you to take care of your children. He is incapable right now.
25 is there anyway you can hop over to my thread...I'm so sorry for the hijack life.
Life, I can't tell you how much I admire you. I'm going on almost 3 years of S. Just in January H was claiming he wanted to come home and that he loved me.
I've been standing for my M for almost 3years. I have put it all in God's hands. Not only am I being blamed for the way my H felt before he left by him but also his Mother's side of the family. And the kicker is that I was the one that didn't want to get married yet, but I let his mother and sister talk me into it, now they hate me. H didn't speak to his mother, sister, and brothers for over 12years and started speaking to them 1 year after we separated. H's mother and father have been divorced for 34 years now. No one contacts our kids....you would have to read my thread to understand.
Just last week our D14 contacted H's brother in law asking if he would please let H know that she loves and misses him, well H's brother in law went off on this child like you wouldn't believe. Told her she needs to grow up, and that I use her as leverage to play on H's emotions, and that my S20 is not related to them. It was so mean and awful. That is the way H's mother and sister always were so I don't know if sister's husband is this way now too or sister was pretending to be H's brother in law when she answered D14's note. Claimed D14 was resentful in her letters. I was like wth???? All the poor kid wrote was 2 sentences saying I love and miss you Daddy and I know we have been fighting but I wish you would call or write (H lives 3 miles away). Now this is H's family that H didn't speak to because H overheard them having a fit that he wanted to adopt my son a year after we were married.
So since the separation the only time H talked to my S20 that he claimed was his for 15 years, was when S20 contacted him when we had a phone number for him to see if he wanted to play pool or something and H always told him "sure, how about Sat.?" That day still has not come and now H is treating my S20 the way that his family did all those years ago.
My sitch went from getting better to way worse within 6 months. Instead of an OW controlling H it is his family. I want to fix things for H and the kids at least but I don't know how. My kids are a mess again and so am I. It was like starting over from the very beginning. Oh, and D14 was also told she knows where H's brother in law lives and if she wanted to talk she could find a ride and it better not basically be by me. Will attach letter from H's BIL.
To H's family, because I have seen it many years ago with his brother's they love to cause trouble and hurt, they are very bitter people, love drama, and could care less about H.
Sorry for going on and on but can use advice. I will post the messages on my thread, I'm so sorry for the hijack but I don't know where to turn. I have been GAL, but when D14 and S20 were crying once again on Sunday morning and then this morning I just wanted to scream. S20 has a mentality of of 10 year old. These people waited until I married their son/brother and then showed their true colors about my son.
Please remember that MLC is something that takes a very long time to navigate through. Your H is no where near ready to face himself or the damage he is doing.
Alcohol and ow are symptoms, not the cause. They are used as band-aids because the MLCer doesn't have the strength to examine and deal with their wounds at this time.
You've only lost the fight for your M if you decide to give up.
What you've done is taken steps to protect your children, yourself, and possibly even him.
You can't see it right now, but things will get better.
I filed. I feel like I lost the fight. He chose his alcohol and OW over his sweet family.
You did NOT lose the fight.
At least not by filing.
"Losing the fight" would be letting him wipe out all the savings and maybe
mortgage the house ( you're not on the deed or loan) and then waiting for him to file
AFTER he wreaks more havoc and damage...
You contained the damage and protected yourself/kids...marital assets...
for all we know, you kept the "Road Home" MORE "Paved and Smooth" if he
comes back, b/c
he won't have to deal with as much damage as HE was going to cause.
Sheesh Life...don't forget the choices you were left with...
you did what you could, and besides, many (a third) of divorces that get filed in
my state are never completed. Some wake up after they see the papers.
This may be over. It may not be.
But I'm betting he'll see his kids more down the road and that's the least that will happen.
If not, if he really stays "dropped out", then I guess you have your answer
anyhow and you will be even more clear that you did the right thing.
I geuninely hope this wakes him up but more importantly, YOU must realize
he left you with no other (healthy) choice.
DBing is about your survival first, saving your m second...you protected your kids.
Period.
Hold your head high.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
ditto that^^^^ Why would that be YOUR responsibility to suggest??
What are you thinking here?
See, as much as it hurts, the less he sees them (for now) the better. He's a disappointer atm.
And the less he sees them, the more he pays.
You can always INCREASE visitation, later, IF YOU want,
but it's not so easy to decrease it without going to court.
Stop taking on HIS responsibilities. It's part of the problem.
And you have enough on your plate, don't you?
So, back to YOU and your GAL/180s....
how's that?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
