Tad, sometimes you ask questions that make me wonder if you ever read anything that is posted to you.
"Is it normal for a MLC person to only see negative" is a case in point. As regards their former life, yes, all negative all of the time. As regards their future life only positive. Nuttier than squirrel sh*t.
Does it matter to YOU whether she is happy or not? Sure it hurts that they are happy when we are not. But that isn't the point, is it.
I would read other posts sometimes, if you don't. You would see other people going through, or having gone through all that you are doing. You would see how they coped, that they did cope, and understand more about the whole darned process, since you are someone who wants to understand as much as they can.
I found understanding useful, but ultimately it doesn't change the situation. For me it hurt a little less knowing it wasn't personal.
At present you will get the blame for what your kids do. Would you rather she was doing it to them. When it shifts to your kids it can get really ugly. My youngest got an abusive phone call from his father on his 21st which continued until my son unplugged the phone. . . . . They aren't happy and blame everyone and everything from their past for this. I wish my xh was happy - it would be a positive outcome for all the devastation he caused. We are all OK [the kids and me] although it took a long time.
I would not have my h back in my life as more than a casual friend [if that were possible], six years on. He is still too crazy and destructive.
Some MLCers do reconcile, but I agree with Antonia, DBing is good for managing the relationship we need to have to discuss children etc, and above all, good for us. It doesn't really work in changing the WAS/MLCers attitude to us.
They are the ones with problems that they are valiantly trying to push onto us and everyone else. You are still accepting this. For your own sake recognise that it is your wife who has the problems.
