The BIG D and its Path of Destruction - Part 2

[LITB]

That's crazy KD. I'm sorry to hear that.

I wish that I would have recorded that call. Unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you look at it. She doesn't want to talk to me anymore. Which is fine by me.

We do have a temporary court order in place and the court knows that I had already purchased my airfare for the beginning of school.

Here is some of the email from my L to hers:

W’s Attorney: My client just got off the phone with his W. She has threatened LITB that if he moves forward with the custody evaluation, he cannot see the children when he arrives next week for the start of school and that she will get a restraining order against him.

Please remind your client that there is a court order for visits and that includes Labor Day weekend. Remind her as well that if she files for a restraining order, we will pursue an action against her for filing false documents with the court. She is threatening criminal/quasi criminal action to gain an unfair advantage; something attorneys are clearly prohibited from doing and which parties should be prohibited from doing as well. Her actions are totally inappropriate.

Finally, I learned that your client was served with our Order to Show Cause papers on July 27th. Therefore, I must ask, why did you tell Comm. “The Judge” that she was never served with the papers?

[~ kd ~]

Just so you know, somehow we figured out and worked out that I would call the kids every day...

And it took a LOOONG time for my W to figure out that I didn't want to talk with her... and THAT made her pissy... whatever...

Finally... she'd start letting the kids answer the phone when I called... but at the start of THAT stage... she'd let the kids answer and talk, and then she'd tell me thing THROUGH the kids... or she get in the middle of the convo and start talking and I'm thinking "woman, this is my dime, here..."

So... in the end, i talked to the kids... mostly only...

which brings us to me moving 50 miles away and summer happening...

yeah... no phone calls cause kids are busy and out, W's got them booked all over the place...

It hurts... it really hurts when someone else has complete control over access to your kids... and you think you will do ANYTHING to remove that restriction...

The only tool you have right now is your brain...

and a smooth voice...

clear, concise, nothing to get her rise up. Want to tell her something? Use email. When you call, she picks up, let her say whatever, then as soon as possible ask for kids.

And be prepared for a lot of hangups while the two of you work through this...

[LITB]

Thanks for catching me up and the advice.

That sukks KD. I know what you mean when you say it hurts.

When my STBX told me she wasn't going to allow me to participate in our S5 beginning school, I got choked up. That is BS.

I know the convo didn't go well and it escalated immediately when I told her that I was going to push for the evaluation. She was going to put all the blame on me no matter what I did or said. I have no idea where she gets some of the crazy things she says to and about me.

[~ kd ~]

Yeah, I hear you...

So I know you understand the hurt. First when your kids had to go and now, when she threatens you with them... you'll probably feel it again, when she uses them to communicate with you... DO NOT DO THAT, BTW...

All comm to your W should be direct or through the L.

Anyhow, except for the kids you have ZERO reason to talk with your W. N/C with her unless she interferes by picking up phone. Just use your best "joe cool" to get past her.

And like I said... any wrong words... you know what she's capable of...

[LITB]

I completely agree with ^^^^^. I better try to get some sleep.

Thanks again KD. Best of luck in your sitch.

[2stepboogie]

hang in there bud. i know this part is tough, very tough

Imagine your w on one side of a door and you on the other

The more pressure you put on your side of the door the more she resist and does not allow you.

You know what happens when you stop pushing the door.

Human nature

She relieves the pressure because there is nothing pushing against it anymore.

Little by little she begins to let go and eventually she opens it to see why you are not pushing

The point is NOT to lay down but to keep your anger in check and you can make the same point without attacking.

i am all for taking the high road but you take it not to be the better person but to take the better position for the fight.

The more she fights the less you resist

You react with kindness but by being sturn

You can't shoot an unarmed man.

When she has nothing to fight then she cannot attack

Praying for ya bud

[LITB]

Thank you 2step. I appreciate your wisdom.

You make many valid points.

Last night when my W and I were back and forth, she said that she felt that I was going forward with the custody evaluation because I hate her and I am trying to get back at her. I told her that I had set my feelings aside for her, however after seeing her last week that my feelings are the exact opposite of hate. I told her that I still love her, which she later threw back in my face.

I do love her, however I would not take her back the way she is now. She is absolutely unaccountable and is completely selfish. She told me that I keep stabbing her heart over and over again every time we talk.

Honestly, I do not know who this person is. I have never seen her behave this way.

Ah well, I'll dust myself off and keep moving forward.

[Redo]

LITB: Not sure what i can offer here. Just want you to know i am rooting for ya!

[LITB]

Thank you Myk. I appreciate it.

I suppose it is time to start a new thread.