I thing my W is out GAL’ing me!!!! She has been going out with different friends several nights a week. She is joining the YMCA. She has friends relatives that are recently divorced and asking her to go out. I don’t have the friend network here and the people I do know are married or not the kind of guys I’m used to hanging out with. The things I am interested in are not a great place to meet new people my age and situation. I own my own business so don’t meet many people there. I like to golf and have started volunteering at Habitat for Humanity. These are not exactly great places to meet new people and more specifically, women. It just seems that everything my W is doing are creating opportunities for her to meet OM. I need to get on that track but don’t have the network. This will be a challenge for me.
She did call me today and told me she wanted to join the Y. I said fine. I also called her back and said I might want to join it too. Don’t plan on going with her but it would be a good outlet and potential area to meet people. I don’t want to cheat on my wife, but it sure would be nice to know I have options after this D is completed. It would be good for my confidence too. I need to find more social groups.
I also think that the fact we’re living together is forcing her into these social situations because she cannot get the separation she says she needs with us living under the same roof. Not sure what to do about this one.
Did you really "call her back" to tell her you might join the Y, as well?
Not saying it's a bad idea that you're joining the Y to get active and meet people...
I'm just wondering... after the first conversation that your W told you she was thinking about it...
What do you think was going through your W's mind when you called her up to tell her you might, too...?
Other than that, I think your doing a great job trying to figure our your GALing... you might be surprised where you meet people when you do the same things in public venues enough times...
KD, It was actually a bit of a 180....we had talked about joining for awhile but never did it. I kind of discouraged it because it's a pretty good drive from our house. She said she was surprised when I called because I hadn't shown interest in the past. I'm looking forward to going...been working out in the house for the last 10 years.
Fair enough... I just found it humorous... no offense, of course...
So the 180 would be actually going to the Y? That just seems more of a GAL to me, since you already work out... but no matter... just my perspective... *shrug*
Do you have any other 180s that you are doing or planning on doing... that you could be a little more... mysterious about... like, as in... not telling her BEFORE you do them?
Hey hun, I just wanted to let you know that, you know how I always put the empty milk jug back in the fridge, well I'm going to stop doing that now... and starting this Sunday, I'm going to let you sleep in and go out to breakfast by myself...
Went to C today. Talked about controlling the controllables…..used to be one of my mottos to live by. I have officially dropped the rope. My W, or whatever being has occupied her body, can run. It will be difficult but I’m done. Off to the Y!!!
C was good. I got worked up which is probably a good thing to get some things off my chest. She pointed out several things that I worry about that I don’t control. The biggest one is my W. She seems to hate me. I don’t deserve to be hated. I know she needs that to justify the screwed up thoughts she is having. She has to live with it. I don’t.
Incidentally, I just asked her to fill out a form to make the Y a family membership and she absolutely exploded on me. “ this was my thing”, “now I’ll be thinking of you when I’m there”, etc…. I told her if she wants me to get out of the house so she has time with the kids, I need somewhere other than a bar to go. This is a perfect fit. Not sure if this is a good thing or not, but I’m sure looking forward to going. I guess it is good. Let her stew. I’m done feeling bad for her. She should feel bad for what she’s doing. She can hate me and I can love myself.
personally, I think that's better than the alternative... being apathetic...
at least she still has emotions for you...
your are probably right, you don't deserve to be hated... hatred and anger generally come from fear. What you might be seeing is that she is lashing out at you in classic WAS behaviour and just giving you... reasons... but you don't know what her fear is...
time... is your friend... no matter how much you might dislike time right now (hate is such an ugly word)...
let time allow her to cool off and clear her head... before you take any drastic measures...
chances are... in a day or a few or a week... you'll see the elastic band / roller coaster show up...
Thanks KD and I hope you’re right. I came home from working out tonight about an hour ago and she said she was right that she overreacted to the whole Y thing. I told her that it is a nice place and we should have joined earlier. She said she was furious. Incidentally, I think my resistance to joining in the past was a pretty big deal to her. I can see why now. My reversal on wanting to join was a shock to her.
She had also packed a bag. She left and said she will be back on Wednesday. Said she needs to figure things out. Find out why she’s so upset. This could either be very good or very bad….not sure how it could get much worse. Like I’ve said before, she is literally the nicest person I have ever met and I’ve been around the block a few times. She has tremendous anger and hostility inside her right now. She is not a decision maker. This D decision has to be especially agonizing for her. That is not good. She is not equipped to deal with it. She might be feeling the BGP’s tightening up.
This was supposed to be “her night” with the kids. She had them for 3+ hours and they said she didn’t play with them at all. Very out of character. I played a quick game with them before bed. I have to say, I am worried about her. In light of the recent tragedy from one of our fellow DB’ers, I am concerned. I sent her and her best friend a text and have not rcvd a response from either. I hope she is ok.
