The BIG D and its Path of Destruction - Part 2

[2stepboogie]

I find that if I have to justify then I was probably wrong.

We all take blame for our actions

for our M falling apart

and

for a long time We did everything wrong

I wonder how many stop and ask why you acted that way at that particular time.

A M/R is a two way street and while when we first get here we like to say I did this or I did that it is not for some time that you start to ask Why did I do that?

When you look closely you begin to realize that your own needs were not being met.

I think the difference between a M that makes it and one that does not has nothing to do with the amount of obstacles they face, but rather in the ability to recognize when your spouse is having a problem and rather than sit there and become angry because your own needs are not being met you put their feelings and desires before your own and NOT keep a checklist.

Truth is for a long time you did meet each others needs if you hadn't then I would question how you made it 15 yrs.

If you stop meeting your W's needs then why? Rather than sit there and say I am to blame I think it is better to think about why you stopped meeting their needs.

Could it be because your own needs stopped being met?

[LITB]

2step, thanks for dropping in. I am fired up right now and I will have to get back to your post.

I just let my W know that I want to move forward with the custody evaluation. She was not happy.

I am scheduled to fly down to NM next week for the beginning of the school year to be with our children, especially our S5 as he begins kindergarten. She threatened to not allow me to see them and to put a restraining order against me. Unbelievable. This is wrong.

She continued to blame me for everything. I called bullshit so many times it isn't even funny. She called me a mama's boy, said that she wished my dad was alive apparently to set me straight. I told that was asinine. She accused me of calling her an ass. I said asinine means ridiculous.

I told her, "would she rather that I walk out of their lives for 10 years?" Infurring that I be like her dad. She said sure. I replied, I'm not your dad.

I am pissed. I already called my attorney and she sent her attorney an email already. She thinks I am playing games. The gloves are off now.

She thinks she is going to get me to pay for everything and said that I don't have a chance. Insane.

It will be a miracle if this M is saved.

[♪CS♪]

Heavy stuff man.

I wish I could help more, but I don't have experience with the legal side of all of this.

So all I can offer.

I am reading.

And good luck.

[jbnati]

LITB. Man this is getting nasty. You are doing it for your kids, though. My heart goes out to you. I am praying for you. I wish there was more I could do.

[LITB]

Thanks Country.

W called back said that she will allow me to see the kids next week and we will be cordial to each other....No sh!t.

She wants to tell them that we are getting a divorce as well, since I have decided to drag them thru the evaluation. She didn't want to hear a damn thing I said to counter every crazy statement spewing out of her mouth.

She told me she doesn't want to talk to me anymore because I keep stabbing her in the heart and keep hurting her. Ugh!!

I'm gonna step out of the house for awhile to calm down.

[LITB]

Thanks JB.

[LITB]

I'm still in shock I guess. I knew she wasn't going to be happy about the evaluation, but to threaten not allowing me to see my kids. That is complete and utter nonsense.

She doesn't realize that is the exact behavior that the court does not want to see. Some of the convo as I remember it:

W: You changed you mind on the agreement.

M: I am allowed to change my mind. I want to be in our kids lives. You have changed your mind.

W: When?

M: Remember April 26, 1997?

W: You didn't take care of me!!

M: That is bullshit and you know that is not true!

W: You just can't face the truth and you can't handle losing me.

M: That is complete bullshit!! You can continue blaming me, because I am used to it. Whatever makes you feel better.

W: I can look in the mirror and I can sleep at night.

M: I don't have a problem sleeping or looking in the mirror.

I remember bit by bit.

[~ kd ~]

yeah... ummm... that didn't go so well...

and all joking aside... I seriously understand, my friend... I think you know my W has withheld my kids as punishment...

DO NOT LET HER PUSH YOUR BUTTONS!

Remember... she used an document unsigned by you as a tool to keep the kids... she will find a way to use your words...

by all means, go full out in witness of the court... but otherwise... N/C for LITB!

[LITB]

Thanks for dropping in KD. Please forgive me as I do not completely know your story with your kids. You will have to enlighten me as I have been so entangled in this mess fo the last month.

Honestly I had not been talking to her. Recently, she has taken the liberty to answer the phone when I call our kids. When the children were with me, I'd give them the phone immediately or let it go to VM.

This convo was inevitable given the current circumstances.

[~ kd ~]

well... 25 once told me not to score keep... so I haven't...

but, from when I left til now... I could seriously count the number of days my kids have been with me on the digits of an adult chimpanzee...

because "the kids are busy and booked"... and I have had scheduled time with the kids (no court order), she's asked me for stuff in advance and I would say "no thank you" and then she'd be all pissy and literally tell me the kids suddenly had plans... I finally got her to fess up she was withholding...

but... no court order... no recourse... I'm at her whim until I deal with custody and we disagree so it must be in court.

oh and the phone thing...

yeah... she is SOOOOO playing you...

Basically... one step at a time... this is a withdrawal for you and you feel totally under her control... AND YOU ARE...

man, put your brave face on and your pleasant words...

figure out your boundaries before she decides to tap the phone and get you all RAMBO on the phone with her...