Going N/C wish me perseverance/strength

[Telemark]

SC, can you stand keeping the desk but moving it to somewhere less "in-your-face"?

Just my $.02...

[Queen_of_Swords]

Kaffe and Telemark,
The desk takes up one half of our office space on one floor of the house. Every time I go to that floor...boom there it is, in the corner extending out on each side 5 feet on either side.

Understand, it's a huge desk, like the ones they have in office spaces where the cubicle is practically all desk.

There is no where else to move it in my home.
I am ready to get rid of it. I have accepted STBX is not coming back, not after two years of being gone in body and a lot longer in mind and spirit.

I rationalise removing it this way: My children and I live here, he has chosen not to, we will respect that choice and we can use the space in another way that suits us better.

[Telemark]

Can't disagree with that.

[Queen_of_Swords]

The desk is gone. It will be good not to see that lonely reminder here.
Now, to disappear some photos, and I think most of his prescence will be removed from this house.
I don't know what to do with this huge wall hanging my Mom made that has his name, my name and our kids' names on it. It's in a pretty prominent place ( sigh).

[Queen_of_Swords]

Journaling

Interesting developments. I don't know if I should take them as heartening or just as what is and accept them for what they were when they happened.

Went to the movie with STBX and the kids. Enjoyed it. We met him at the theatre and I brought the cut rate tickets. We shared a popcorn ( this came with the ticket price with 2 drinks) and I shared a bag of candy I had purchased with him. He spoke barely 20 words to me, and I didn't say anything what was beyond necessary. After the movie he left, said he had work to do.

So, yesterday my computer got nuked. I attempted to get it going on my own and checked out the network and internet connections etc. etc.
This morning I phoned him just to get an idea of possibilities of where I could go for assistance or what I could on my own to get things up and running again. I didn't specifically ask him to help, but he offered to come over. I said it wasn't necessary, but he insisted and said he'd be over shortly.

I quickly showered and dressed, and was ready when he arrived, if not at my best, at least presentable and smelling nice.

He sat here for about an hour and half only to find out that there is nothing wrong with the network, hub, or routers, but that my hard drive is toast. He recovered what data he could and put it on a drive,and told me a new computer was necessary.
I asked if I could give him a hug and he accepted, and stroked my arm in return.

I thanked him and told him I appreciated him taking time out of his day to look, and I would do as he recommended.

I did see something disturbing. He opened his email as I was sitting beside him looking for a specific mail with some information to use, and I saw a mail sent by his Mother titled " Wife left you." Gotta wonder.

[Queen_of_Swords]

Journaling - Venting

So many feelings going on inside me tonight.
I got hired for a new job.
It requires me to be on call at any time of the day or night.
I am gratified I was hired, I am sad I won't be around as much for my kids as I'd like, and I am angry that one person's actions have necessitated all these changes in not just my life, but my family's.
Yes, we'll all adapt and roll with things, there is no other choice really.
Now I have to decide if I ask STBX if he will be around to help with the scheduling issues/childcare an parenting conflicts that are bound to occur with my new position. O if I just continue on and pretend he isn't in the picture at all and rely on my extended family to help me as needed.
Obviously with me trying to be/go dim as I can, I don't even want to tell him I have a new job. So far I've told everyone involved in my life BUT him at this point.
I phoned a mutual friend (really STBX's buddy, but he knows me too) tonight about a detail to aid in the transition that this job will bring, and I mentioned that I believe STBX is not coming back. He agreed.
Based on the feelings this aroused I am seriously considering initiating divorce soon for my own purposes.
I realize I cannot get involved with or give myself completely to anyone else unless I am in fact divorced. It would feel too much like I was betraying not only STBX but myself because of the promises I made...even if he broke his made to me.

It may be time to back down from my position of letting the STBX finish what he started.


Damn this is hard.

[a girl]

I am angry that one person's actions have necessitated all these changes in not just my life, but my family's.

Just wanted to address this - I struggle with this almost daily - the fact that two people (H and OW) have caused so much disruption in the lives of so many people. It seems so unfair that they get to blithely wander off and do whatever they want, while we're left to pick up the pieces.

[Queen_of_Swords]

It seems so unfair that they get to blithely wander off and do whatever they want, while we're left to pick up the pieces.

Yes it is unfair, but them life isn't.
I'm just trying to get on with it. All I can do.
I'm used to picking up pieces and making things work.

I think what makes me most angry is that it was never my choice. It was thrust upon me, and although I accept it, I don't like it.

[JustStunned]

SC, I came here to thank you for posting about the Drama Triangle over in Rue's thread. I didn't want to jack it.

I know exactly how you feel about this being thrust upon you. STBX said "I made this decision live with it" during her bombing run. It was her attempt to become the persecutor and cast me as the victim.

I will not play. I refuse to be the victim. I am not certain what I feel toward her but since reading several articles about the drama triangle and decideing not to participate it is akin to pity.

Thank You.

[Queen_of_Swords]

You're welcome.
Anyway I can help. Glad it's helped you!