After I found out he had been "sleeping over" at female friends houses (no sex he says, but he had an affair in 2009 so I am not sure I buy it, plus it isn't appropriate for a married man anyway, even if there was no sex) I asked for a temporary separation so that I could work through this. He said he needed time to work through his issues too.
I suck at setting boundaries and it is our biggest problem. I need to deal with that. I honestly would prefer he didn't take a minimum wage job (my job pays very very well), I would prefer he work on the small business he started (and hasn't put much effort into) and help around the house. I don't expect him to be "Mr. Mom", but do his half.
He was never a freeloader. Worked since age 14 until he lost his job 3 years ago. Supported his wife and children for many years. But married me, hit some kind of wall, and decided, "screw it, I worked enough. I'm taking it easy!" But I didn't marry a man to have one more kid to support! I wanted a partner!
Anyway, I have told him I don't want to get back together under the old terms. That I need a partner. That he needs to work, either in the business or in a job. That he is equally responsible for the house and the children. He is acting like he is willing to change, but he may just be talking. He does know I hold all the cards...he adores his kids, and likes having a comfortable lifestyle he could never afford. He also knows deep down I am perfectly capable of functioning without him. When I am not being emotional, I know that, too.
I do believe it is theoretically possible, that God can reach him. But I can't keep being "boundariless" and "submissive" to the point of being a doormat (a doormat that actually supports the family too! What a cool doormat!) while I wait for God to work on him.
H50 W44 M 4 D 29 D 28 D 26 S 22 S 20 D 17 S 15 S 5 D 3 1st Bomb 4/2009 Separated 2/2009 4 months 2nd Bomb 6/11 Separated 7/11 to ???
