My faith gives me the courage to move forward

[25yearsmlc]

i dont think beards are evil, i just dont like long biker beards much, but never criticized him about his beard, i liked it. I never said i hated tatoos its just that the ones he got look demonic. I know im far from perfect i just dont think people realize that fooling around with demonic stuff can lead down the wrong road.
Answer to your questions, If the m is over i have to accept it and find happiness with my own life and meet new friends. I want h back because there were a lot of things i loved about him too. We were very happy for 25 yrs til the thereapist that was going thru her own d gave us very bad advice to separate over minor things to make m better. Thats the saddest part of this whole situation. that she destroyed a great m. I did not think h was evil before the affair it was after that that i got obsessed with religion it was the only thing i could count on in my life to keep my sanity and to prevent being hurt again. unless you have experienced betrayal you do not know the pain of it. Its worse than having your spouse die..

Wow...first
I have experienced betrayal. You're not alone in that. You are simply staying in one place emotionally, way longer than most. Right or wrong, that's just a fact.

And don't think being rejected (but paid well and not mistreated otherwise) is WORSE than his death and your son losing his father...

OMG, that is NOT coming from a place of love in you, but a place of darkness.

So, your ego being rejected makes you think your son losing his father is better than you feeling rejected?

And how long does your present depression and panic attack get to be your h's fault?

I'm sincerely curious, At SOME POINT, aren't you going to be responsible for how YOU feel and live?

As for the death comment...
See Ninelives thread to see what I mean. He lost his wife 3 days ago...and he's not feeling so great about that FORMER belief of his.

You have to get out of your own way to find happiness.

you are so stuck in your victimhood...it's amazing b/c you really don't have it that bad.

Your h left you for OW. That's NOT unusual or rare. What IS unusual is how you see it, even now.

I never know what part of things you "own" here or how YOU'D be any different if your h came back.

You never say but I've asked many many times. I have asked you how marriage to you today

would be better than before, if your h came home.

How have you changed and improved?

I never get an answer. Maybe that is the answer.

Maybe your prayers would be answered if you could answer that question

with some changes YOU make in you. Not your evil pagan h, or how sad you still feel

or how panicky you felt b/c your dog wasn't with you...OMG Rys, you sound like an
otherwise educated woman...have you any idea how UNattractive and UNhealthy that all sounds?'

You need more help than you are getting...and please don't ever say you wish your h was dead bc in essence, that IS what you meant.

You'd prefer his death to his rejection of you.

I pray you will think about all this.