I fear my points about forgiveness are possibly being lost here.
Two things:
First, HIS forgiving her and letting go of the issue, imo, have nothing to do with HER or what SHE says or does...
it's about not focussing on it, it's about his moving forward in HIS life no matter what SHE does...and not harping or obsessing, etc...also mandatory if they reconcile, and mandatory for him to be happy with or without her...
Second,
TELLING HER about forgiving her, when she doesn't yet SEEM to feel sorry for it
and in fact feels pretty darn justified in it, won't come off well.
(And she's not insane to feel that way. Even Johnnie, to his credit, sees his role there too)...but
to say it to her now, would only hurt things.
Plus it's a form of pressure to say it out loud (as if some condition has been met, but it wasn't a condition of HERS)
and it comes off as NOT coming from a judgemental place.
Johnnie, IF AND WHEN you reconcile, and you both feeling loving feelings of compassion,
THEN she'll make efforts to reassure you and at THAT time
maybe
you can discuss this with her.
You're nowhere near there yet.
Slowly do what has been working, which was slowly building.
I'm very curious about why you want to blow things and sabotage them by rushing with your "aggressive" behavior comment.
If you mean "passionate", use that word. You talk about being direct a lot.
But your word choice isn't so direct or if it is, it's coming off a tad scary to me and not appropriate given the situation.
You had some good decent talks with her, but most or ALL happened only
when she knew you had low expectations...
so now you want to ramp those UP, huh???
See my point? Take it easy.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
