My faith gives me the courage to move forward

[25yearsmlc]

well...

what if the marriage is over? Then what? Isn't it possible your h has changed into a different man?

I don't think a beard or tattoos make him an evil man.

Sounds like He's generous with you and son. He doesn't criticize you. He doesn't try to come between you and son, or badmouth you to son...

(which cannot be honestly said about you)

But he's with OW. Does that act alone make him evil? If so, or if his beard and tattoos and riding a bike and living with OW do make him an "evil pagan"

why do you want him back so much?



Are you getting treatment for your panic attacks and fears of losing your son?

Can you see how this might become a self fulfilling prophecy?


Maybe you can retrieve the list I made for you back a few months that you said was helpful

and that you wanted to print out. Read it again.

(( ))

[rysmom]

I believe what you put in to your mind with music or tv effects peoples morals I love my h but i dont like the choices that he makes. I play that God saves his soul. i guess we dont agree on garbage in garbage out.

[rysmom]

I guess you and i dont agree on garbage in , garbage out.

[rysmom]

i dont think beards are evil, i just dont like long biker beards much, but never criticized him about his beard, i liked it. I never said i hated tatoos its just that the ones he got look demonic. I know im far from perfect i just dont think people realize that fooling around with demonic stuff can lead down the wrong road.

[25yearsmlc]

can you answer the other questions or

are you just pondering?

[rysmom]

i dont think beards are evil, i just dont like long biker beards much, but never criticized him about his beard, i liked it. I never said i hated tatoos its just that the ones he got look demonic. I know im far from perfect i just dont think people realize that fooling around with demonic stuff can lead down the wrong road.
Answer to your questions, If the m is over i have to accept it and find happiness with my own life and meet new friends. I want h back because there were a lot of things i loved about him too. We were very happy for 25 yrs til the thereapist that was going thru her own d gave us very bad advice to separate over minor things to make m better. Thats the saddest part of this whole situation. that she destroyed a great m. I did not think h was evil before the affair it was after that that i got obsessed with religion it was the only thing i could count on in my life to keep my sanity and to prevent being hurt again. unless you have experienced betrayal you do not know the pain of it. Its worse than having your spouse die..

[MrBond]

rysmom,

Take it from someone whose spouse did cheat. At some point you forgive and heal. My W had an A with her boss if you recall. Sure it hurt like hell, but at some point you can't let it run your life.

The OW is not entirely at fault. It takes two to tango. It's your H's choice. Free will. Again, you can't control what other people do. We told you a long time ago that you will start to lose your son, you haven't listened and now he's slipping away.

When are you going to start healing? You obviously can't do it with your H since he's not there. So what are you going to do?

Stop with the obsessing. It's like a broken record with you.

[rysmom]

Son and i have a pretty good relationship. i so bad mouth my h once in awhile, but pretty much stay busy with growing my business, playing tennis and keeping the house up. son and i had a very nice vacation. we went kayaking twice together on vacation, and son really enjoyed it. It was a much needed vacaiton for both of us.

Son asked me when we can go to AZ together to sleep in the desert. I dont know if i would do that but it was nice he wanted to go away with me again. we had fun taking a lot of pictures also. We both enjoy that. We had a townhouse right on the beach with a deck on the ocean side.
We are going to look at colleges this week and next together. He wants to stay home for college so we will look around here.

[MrBond]

rysmom,

It's getting pretty hard to keep track of your moods on the boards. Sometimes they are optimistic like the one above, and others are full of despair. Are you getting professional help?

Let's be honest here. Which one is the real rysmom?

[25yearsmlc]

i dont think beards are evil, i just dont like long biker beards much, but never criticized him about his beard, i liked it. I never said i hated tatoos its just that the ones he got look demonic. I know im far from perfect i just dont think people realize that fooling around with demonic stuff can lead down the wrong road.
Answer to your questions, If the m is over i have to accept it and find happiness with my own life and meet new friends. I want h back because there were a lot of things i loved about him too. We were very happy for 25 yrs til the thereapist that was going thru her own d gave us very bad advice to separate over minor things to make m better. Thats the saddest part of this whole situation. that she destroyed a great m. I did not think h was evil before the affair it was after that that i got obsessed with religion it was the only thing i could count on in my life to keep my sanity and to prevent being hurt again. unless you have experienced betrayal you do not know the pain of it. Its worse than having your spouse die..

Wow...first
I have experienced betrayal. You're not alone in that. You are simply staying in one place emotionally, way longer than most. Right or wrong, that's just a fact.

And don't think being rejected (but paid well and not mistreated otherwise) is WORSE than his death and your son losing his father...

OMG, that is NOT coming from a place of love in you, but a place of darkness.

So, your ego being rejected makes you think your son losing his father is better than you feeling rejected?

And how long does your present depression and panic attack get to be your h's fault?

I'm sincerely curious, At SOME POINT, aren't you going to be responsible for how YOU feel and live?

As for the death comment...
See Ninelives thread to see what I mean. He lost his wife 3 days ago...and he's not feeling so great about that FORMER belief of his.

You have to get out of your own way to find happiness.

you are so stuck in your victimhood...it's amazing b/c you really don't have it that bad.

Your h left you for OW. That's NOT unusual or rare. What IS unusual is how you see it, even now.

I never know what part of things you "own" here or how YOU'D be any different if your h came back.

You never say but I've asked many many times. I have asked you how marriage to you today

would be better than before, if your h came home.

How have you changed and improved?

I never get an answer. Maybe that is the answer.

Maybe your prayers would be answered if you could answer that question

with some changes YOU make in you. Not your evil pagan h, or how sad you still feel

or how panicky you felt b/c your dog wasn't with you...OMG Rys, you sound like an
otherwise educated woman...have you any idea how UNattractive and UNhealthy that all sounds?'

You need more help than you are getting...and please don't ever say you wish your h was dead bc in essence, that IS what you meant.

You'd prefer his death to his rejection of you.

I pray you will think about all this.