You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Godspeed.
LITB
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
9..I am so sorry. I am immediately praying for you and your kids/family. This is not on you. You took care of her and gave her positive options. I am also crying as I write this. We love you 9 and are with you.
The funeral is tues at 7;00 pm. visitation is at 5;00 just a slide show and music.
last night was strange as my friends partied pretty good. mixed emotions about that. but it is what it is.
today , me and my friends fixed my boat , put it in the water and i took them for a spin.
im ok, comes in waves. weep often enough but never infront of the boys.
have lots of support and love here.
need to work on the eulogy.
pete
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
The funeral is tues at 7;00 pm. visitation is at 5;00 just a slide show and music.
last night was strange as my friends partied pretty good. mixed emotions about that. but it is what it is.
today , me and my friends fixed my boat , put it in the water and i took them for a spin.
im ok, comes in waves. weep often enough but never infront of the boys.
9,
Just a thought. I let my kids see me cry after my dad died (and then later, my brother in law). I figured that I was modelling grief/loss for them which they'd someday face when I pass on.
My hope is they'll recall that crying doesn't mean loss of control.
Our kids need to know grief does hurt and make us cry,
but that we do heal.
We do move forward even though something hurts us enough to make us cry.
How can them seeing you cry, and then regain composure, be a bad thing,
as long as you do, eventually, regain it?
have lots of support and love here.
need to work on the eulogy.
pete
How can we help?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I posted to you earlier about Eulogies and the grief class I took as part of a Hospice program job I had.
If you focus on making the eulogy serve it's purposes, it'll come more naturally. To re-cap
The Purpose of a Eulogy
-to honor the departed; and
-comfort the living.
Pause when you get up there, take a deep breath. Pause every time you fear loss of composure
and take a deep breath, letting it all out. Focus on an inanimate object like the woodgrain of the podium or the bricks on the walls, if you must...
to get through it. Why?
B/C you want people including your sons, to know your wife.
(Not so much about how much it hurts you...
I only say that b/c our son did that at his grandmother's funeral and kind of forgot to make it about HER...he's young & it's fine of course. But he regretted it later).
Tell the people about her. If you want, try it out here first...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I barely have the energy to post anything here. My fight for my marriage is officially over> Why? Because my wife took her life this morning at 3:00 a.m while I decided to give her some space and clear my head while i went down to southern ontario.\\
Instead of being there with her and telling her how much she meant to me and how much i treasured her , i decided to go a little dim for the weekend and come back on monday where we were going to go on a trip.
No words can express my feelings of guilt and other emotions whdi id ont understand.
Be careful ou there. 9
First, I feel for you. I remember reading about your sitch and marveled at the similarities that I experienced with my ex.
And as is very, very clear, even from your first anguished posts, you loved her beyond measure and even all reason. I know you see that love and how you expressed it as imperfect and its going to feel like that for a long time. She brought an end to a hope and dream of yours...without your consent.
As many have said to you, this is not your fault. From your very first post here and numerous ones since, there has always been the threat of suicide. Many references to her previous attempts. Short of having her locked down and under observation 24/7, there is no way of preventing the attempt.
Now I know you are going through a lot of doubt and "if only's." This is natural and maybe in the short-term a healthy aid in focusing grief and loss. It's okay to blame yourself for a little while. Just don't make lifetime out of it.
Finally, this is a defining moment not only for you, but your children. How you handle this loss will help define their lives. And that is the other part of blaming yourself...be careful that they don't take that on themselves. Children can and sometimes do take on the responsibility that what happened to their parents was caused by them. They too can take on the "if only" role in a way that defines them and not always in the best way through adulthood.
You have tough times in front of you even though part of the uncertainty is over. Yet there are people pulling for you.
Don't forget and don't be afraid to ask.
The Captain
Last sex: 04/06/1997 Last attempt: 11/11/1997 W Issues "No Means No" Declaration: 11/11/1997 W chooses to terminate sex 05/1998 I gained 60, then lost 85 pounds. Start running again (marathons)
For someone who usually has no trouble with words, I am at a loss.
Having read the entire thread, I agree with the advice and support you are getting. You need to grieve, and you need to teach your boys to grieve. You can't heal without it.
Be kind to yourself.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
God be with you tomorrow...I'll send you positives the whole day.
May it go smoothly, b/c NO ONE is worth making a scene about on this day.
It will detract from your purpose to honor your late wife, and comfort the living...
God bless & comfort you & yours.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
