My feelings are changing...sitch isn't

[AntoniaB]

Yep, stop wondering. Simple as that (I know it's not simple but that's the solution).

I also have jealousy about other couples and yet think they're all doomed to fail. I would not be a good wedding guest for anyone right now--so I'm glad no one I know is getting married :-)

I think the jealousy and being jaded is very normal. To some extent, though, we get jealous because we can't deal with being alone. The longer you're single/detached, the less jealous of others you'll be and the more you may actually not want a relationship and you'll see that even if a part of you wants one, you're not ready for it.

The philosophy being MWD's books and this board is counter-INTUITIVE, yes, but not counter-productive. From what I've read on here, it looks like most people with a spouse having issues other than MLC have a good chance that the divorce busting techniques work--but most with a spouse in MLC, well, we're in that tiny percent where the marriage can't be saved. HOWEVER, the techniques end up saving OUR sanity, so we lose one thing but gain another. Further down the road, years later, the techniques seem to work for some people to have a new relationship or marriage with the MLC partner--but that depends a lot on whether they ever come out of MLC, and many do not.

It's not in our control, Tad, at all.

Here maybe this will help: when I was in the worst of this mess, I kept saying that this was the worst thing that could ever happen in my life. Nothing could top it. Guess what? I can think of a lot of things that would: a terminal illness, my house burning down and me losing everything including my beloved pets, a terrible tragedy for someone in my family. There is a LOT that could be worse. I'm just grateful that I got through "my worst" intact.

You have to start trying to think of the plusses in your life. You need perspective. And as long as she's spewing at you, she's distracting you from that.