Just Be

[Denver_2010]

Denver,

(and to anyone else reading : ) )

We are in that 80% that fails, second marriage that came about from an affair. You know, I always shoot toward the 1%.

Yeah Jack, I know. I'm certainly not thinking along these lines right now anyway. I have not given up on my M yet. And OW and I, I believe, are on the same page that we are just casually dating right now.

I'm just living my life Jack.... and letting my W live her's.

I was thinking how strange it all is, everything that has happened over the past 9 months. Over 9 months since my W told me that she was done with our M, and almost 9 months since she physically left our home... and neither of us has filed for D.

Much has happened during those 9 months. It has truly been a roller coaster from hell.

I just need to step off of that roller coaster for a bit. I need to reclaim my life to an extent and let the chips fall where they may. I need to find some enjoyment in my life bc I have had very little during these past 9 months. I guess I don't see any reason to deprive myself of some female companionship any longer. Deprive myself of spending a little time with someone who WANTS my company. My W is making her choice for the time being. That choice does not include me at the moment. Nothing I say or do can change that. My W has had a solid 5 months of seeing a changed, albeit imperfect, Denver... she has has a chance to see that our life together could be different than it was before she left. Better. I am truly closing the gates to her for now.

That is my view on things at this moment.

I just ask that you be honest with yourself and not rewrite the past regarding your wife.

We tend to justify our actions. We tend to do...what we did not like in our wayward spouse, but...it's ok since we are doing it.

I honestly don't think that it is justification Jack. Not that I haven't struggled with my decision to spend time with OW. I have. But again, I have to live my life. I only have one chance at it. And again, I'm not closing the door to reconciliation at this point.

I'm also not rewriting history. No one is more defensive of his or her spouse when someone criticizes than me. Even over the past 9 months. But I think that I glossed over some of her faults. I put her on a pedestal when she left me and blamed myself for 100% of our problems. I have beat the hell out of myself for 9 months.

No. I'm just recognizing that she is not perfect. Never was. I love her more than anything on this planet, but she was not perfect. And she did contribute to our M problems.

Maybe this is part of my process in forgiving myself a little bit. I f'd up a ton in my M/R with my W. But now... I know that I have also fought to save the M/R like I've never fought for anything in my life. I can no longer do this out of guilt for my actions. It is time for me to begin forgiving myself. And with that, I think comes the acknowledgment that I was never 100% to blame.


Denver