Living in the trenches....Thread #5

[25yearsmlc]

Navy,

good to hear from you.

I guess I'd advise against so much pursuit when she's upset. (It also comes off as nagging when you follow her out asking "what's wrong" more than once).

But you handled the convo remarkably well. She thinks HER LIFE SUX? Really?

B/C yours is such a picnic, paying all the bills, doing the bulk of childcare & cooking when you are there, ALL so SHE can pursue college...

she could use some "reality" therapy and since she won't go, at some point you will

have to CALMLY 'splain that there IS another POV...namely, yours.


If you didn't have kids, I'd be telling you to get some clarity from her ASAP (and end the insanity).

Since you do have kids, you still have to figure out what is tolerable for you long term. I know you know, this isn't.

Is her plan simply to get the degree to get a job that earns enough so she can take the kids and live on her own with your financial support and her income?

may I be so bold as to suggest that it IS her plan...? I'm pretty sure it's why she's saying "for the kids" when what she really means is

"I'm not financially able yet".

Does it hurt you to support her through school? Maybe not. Maybe you'd have to anyhow.

But it does prevent reconciliation if all you do is carry on the way SHE dictates.

I'm not saying give her the boot.

But Navy, her POV is so skewed I have to wonder how much letting her stew/fester and justify is really helping.

She's getting no feedback to the contrary. Know what I mean?

You're a good man. Take care my friend.

((( )))


PS

Today is our 30th anniversary and H is doing Reserve Duty out of town (unavoidable, although if I were truly heroic, I could've driven up 4 hours, gotten a hotel and waited for him tonight, though he'd be working again tomorrow, and if I'd gotten someone to watch d14 for the night...maybe??)

We promised to celebrate when he returns in 2 weeks...wow, I just got myself feeling guilty.

But we had a great trip to Europe for >2 weeks and it was beautiful. Didn't expect THAT 5 years ago...