when you say things like "Should I grant forgiveness" to her, I slap my forehead.
You still don't get it.
You are not forgiving her for HER... Nor is she asking for it. And Kaffe, (I think it was you who said this, sorry if I'm off)
But I disagree with the EA is the same as PA for a man...or I don't understand the comment...always possible.
EA's are bad for the m, no doubt.
But to women, they are more likely a RESULT of a bad m, than the cause of it.
I am NOT JUSTIFYING but am saying that for me,
a w's EA is a direct result of a woman not getting her needs met in the m, whereas
SOMETIMES
a PA for a man, (or woman) is simply a selfish act and nothing was wrong with his m....
But Johnnie, You are forgiving (ahem...someday I hope)
so YOU can let go of this painful issue in YOUR life that you keep harping on.
Don't confuse forgiveness with saying "It's fine"...they are not the same.
NOR is this something you ever have to tell HER,
(which will turn her OFF if you say it anytime soon...she feels it was justified, that you ;pushed her into the arms of the OM, so...back off)
Letting go of this is something you'll have to do
IF YOU REALLY WANT TO RECONCILE
AND
she will have to believe you won't hold this over her head forever or throw it in her face,
(which I greatly fear you will do when you get angry again...AND
no doubt it's one of her fears and a huge test for you ---to prove your changes are real AND permanent...& won't disappear if she comes back to the m)
I get the impression that unless you hear her say "Please forgive me for the emotional attachment I developed with a man b/c you failed to meet my needs for so long"
you won't be able to move forward...
and can you see how UNlikely that event might be?
Read up on forgiveness in general. There are some great posts around here on this site on that topic.
Good luck
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
