Treading water - time and patience

[NYCPeter]

Theoden - thanks for all of your comments.

You are confirming what other people have been saying and by reading the thread in one go you are re-emphasizing that I have not been doing a good enough job about changing myself.

Are you happy with your life (marriage aside)?

Generally yes - I would like to change my job but am concerned this will lead to more pressure to prove myself in a new environment.

DO NOT move out of your home. Do not willingly unseat yourself as husband and father.

This is one thing I have been strong about from day 1. My W (and MIL) seem to think a "break will do us good" - I am hoping that by detaching enough I am giving her the space she needs.

There's a really good chance you can turn this around.

This is good to hear - I really don't intend to be controlling, I want my W to have the life she wants and to do what she wants - I only hope it includes me.