Oh Im so sorry. That is so hard. I believe they do lie to themselves. How else could they justify an A. It is impossible. My H never would talk about his feelings. DIdn't believe in them. So, now with OW I often wonder-is he telling her private things? How hurt he is? Etc. Makes me want to puke. Would never engage in a convo like that with me.
Journaling- Got a letter from our broker that there was a discrepency in the electronic transfer W has setup for her checking account. I texted her this morning(her preferred method of communicating) and told her about the letter and that she might want to contact them and correct it so she could e-transfer some money. She immediately responded and thanked me and asked if she could come by and get a copy of the letter. I texted I would be home and that would be fine. She immediately texted back "how is 9:05?" I said "Fine, but not 9:06. LOL" Thought it was just weird that she had to be so precise on the time. I also thought she would stay in the car and stay in the driveway since that has been her behavior previously. Well at exactly 9:05 I hear the truck in the driveway. And then the engine shut down. As I got up to see where she was, she was standing at the back door. She came in the house! But stayed in the kitchen dining room area. We then started 15 minutes of the most surreal conversation you can imagine. It was my old wife back!! Where was the alien? Her body language was relaxed. I stood very close to her while we looked at the mail together. She didn't tense up. She smiled. She laughed. She told me what was going on in her life. I told her the news about our grandchildren. She was interested and engaged. I walked her out and looked at the Christmas cactus that is blooming, walked her to the truck and told her I would see her in court Monday and she said OK, I'll see you then. What the h3ll is going on? Was she temperature taking? I have not been pursuing. I accidentally ran into her in the store 3 days ago and she was cool, tense, and not very talkative. Was she trying to get me back into the pursuit game? Is she actually having a moment of reality? Is it because tomorrow is our 26th anniversary and she is feeling guilty? I have absolutely no expectations from this contact. I know that the next time I see her she will probably be inhabited by the alien again. I guess the best thing about this contact today, is that I was absolutely OK. Previously I would hurt when we would have contact, but today I was relaxed before she got here, I was relaxed while she was here, and I was relaxed when she left. I just said a short prayer and thanked God for helping me do such a good job. Somebody splain to me what's going on....please
Me:61 W:60 M: 26 No kids ILYBININLWY AUG 10 S: 5/20/11 D filed 6/23/2011
ok... your sig says no kids, but you have grand children...
DId I miss something? Do either of you have kids from previous Ms?
Hate to channel Sandi2 here, but often a WAS who is having an A is warm when the A is going well and cool when the A is not going so well...
I suppose that could be because if the A is not going so well, they have to deal with reality and you are part of that.
I believe you have the right perspective on the nice behaviour. Just simply enjoy it. And when you have those positive moments, use it to SHINE! Because she WILL remember those moments... and wonder...
You knew she was coming at 0905 (and NOT 0906; THAT was funny!) Did you spruce yourself up for the visit? Could have had a bit of fun with that, get yourself all dressed up, because you are on your way out (and you WOULD leave) to go somewhere... Being mysterious is also a great way for them to get interested in the LBS again...
KD---Correct. No kids together. My youngest daughter and W have been very very close until this started in May. My grandchildren thinks she hangs the moon and is so "cool". They are every bit "her" grandchildren although no direct genetic link. Granddaughter is going to be on a reality series on the Hub(Nickelodeon) channel this fall. They are videotaping in Santa Clarita for 8 weeks. And yes I did dress up for the occasion. Put on my newest threads. Had to since I've lost weight. Old clothes looked like a bedsheet bedouin. I noticed that she did too. And here is something else I thought was different. She had been wearing for the last couple of years, blouses with low necklines. Sometimes sheer. A little too low sometimes. This in contrast to her casual wear of past years where she always liked boat neck or button up and nothing sheer. Well this morning she wore a new boatneck casual shirt and jeans. And as far as the OM, I don't think the A is going that well. Since I outed him to his wife 2 weeks ago, I believe his life has been h3ll. I know them both well and I believe that he is on an extremely short leash, and when I saw him last Thursday he looked pretty miserable.(poor little thing). A friend of mine used to say that someone in this situation had his d!ck cut off and his wife had it in a Vlasic pickle jar in the fridge. He would see it every time he opened the fridge door. A good definition of hell I guess.
Me:61 W:60 M: 26 No kids ILYBININLWY AUG 10 S: 5/20/11 D filed 6/23/2011
IF that is the case with OM and the A, then your W has no one she is showing off to. So she's reverting to who she was. Not a bad thing, so long is that is who she is, who she likes... who YOU like...
If it's just habit, though... she may just be bouncing...
Also, remember that when it comes to an A, it is said that it's a bit of an addiction. So while OM may be on a short leash, be wary that neither he nor your W may be "over it", yet... and if there's enough "local fish", she may seek elsewhere... searching for the next fix...
So DO YOUR BEST to be the next fix, as it were. As odd as it may seem while going through the D, if she's detached from you, she'll have two paths of neurons... one of getting the D job done and one of seeing you as a possible great catch...
Good on your grand daughters coming 15 minutes of fame! That's VERY cool!
Today is my 26th wedding anniversary. I am going to memorialize it by having a nice breakfast/brunch at a local eatery.....alone. I texted my stbxw late last night and invited her to enjoy breakfast with me free of any talks of R or sitch or D or any of that junk. Just a nice breakfast shared between two old and good friends. She won't be there. But I will. And I will thank God for these 26 years and I will thank Him for today, and I will thank Him for whatever He holds for my future.
Me:61 W:60 M: 26 No kids ILYBININLWY AUG 10 S: 5/20/11 D filed 6/23/2011
KD - I didn't kick her. Actually, we were cordial with each other. That's what makes this thing so sick! I think she got a dose of reality this morning. This is not going to be quick and easy. She is not going to get the assets she wanted. Not right now, anyway. The housing market is in the toilet and the money we will get from the sale of this house will be a lot less than she anticipated. Living in a trailer with an 80 y/o is not too much fun anymore. We have to be totally transparent in all of our financial transactions. She was pretty beat down when she left in her pickup truck. It is all just so incredibly sad. She is no fixated and driven that this is the only solution. If she could just understand her demons are still going to be there long after she is rid of me.
Me:61 W:60 M: 26 No kids ILYBININLWY AUG 10 S: 5/20/11 D filed 6/23/2011
I'm wondering if you SHOULD have kicked her, now that I think about it...
But... reality may have done that...
It does seem the WAS really is living in some dream world, prepared to put up with some uncomfortable conditions for the time being (or alternately living the high life) in anticipation of their perceived freedom...
Financial freedom, personal freedom, emotional freedom... whatever... however that looks to them, going on trips, or getting that house, or pursuing (possibly non-existant) knights or princesses...
Like people who go to the accountant when they are "ready" to retire... and they get a dose of reality that whatever they thought their life might look like... ain't so shiney... and they might have to keep working while retired...
maybe... just maybe... the two of you will have better lives in D... but... I always think... why can't people just choose a better life in M...?
