S12, XW and I went to mass yesterday. Felt weird.
I couldn't bring myself to offer the sign of peace.
Well I looked her way obviously, and S12 was between us.
She reached across to my shoulder, but my hands went limp.
Can't touch her (or don't want to).

I was praying hard all through mass for Pete and his family, but after communion my thought shifted to my sitch and the loneliness or lack of pleasant female company. But all I got for an answer was "Don't pursue other women, because that would show weakness." I don't know why. Why would that look weak? Because the church says I'm still married? Why would it be important I don't appear weak at this late stage? I just don't don't get it.

But that's okay, I'm not ready for that either.

Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."