I don't know the laws or customs there, but where I live the spouse is considered the next of kin, if there is no legal divorce. Her family needs to allow you those rights. Of course, I know you will consider their wishes also.
I have gone to many funerals down through the years. Sometimes, we try to do what's best for our children, and we think we are protecting them from shock or drama by keeping them away from the deceased. I can't remember if your youngest son went to his grandmother's funeral or not. But, if he wants to see his mother, his request needs to be honored. However, he needs to be prepared (if that's even possible) b/c it will be a shock.
The newspapers where I live gives the date of death and location. Her birthdate and name of parents and her survivors. Some people submit a picture. Date & time of funeral and location. The funeral director should be able to help with an obituary.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
