Reflection

[GAL Man]

Journaling (feel I need to)

I feel IDK, Stuck!!!!



Detaching is not too much of a problem, its just, well IDK, W is constantly in my head........

I don't think of what she is up to etc etc etc, or will she contact me, its just the constant thinking of my situation.

Last week was OK and had a good Sat, went to the races with friends, then out on the town in the evening, really good day (and a couple of winners at the races).

But

Bumped into W's longest friend (who she hasn't spoken to for a few months!!), so started to talk about W, and TBH I am getting fed up with talking about her now, but it just seems to happen. Even friend is fed up with W, and was saying how selfish W was, and always wanted her own way, and how to get it.

Later in the eve was talking to another woman, who also, it turns out knows W (not well though)...... She said to me that W was seeing someone from seeing things on FB, but firstly it didn't get to me, so shows I am more detached, secondly this woman was all over me and was quite clear she wanted something else, but I was not interested, and was complimenting myself when I got home that I didn't go there.....

My moral compass is still working well


Don't think W would post this sort of thing on FB, as the kids would see it, plus her oldest friend would have told me.

So have been thinking, does this change anything........

if true, that's it for me, and I will initiate proceedings, IDK if that would be to try and wake her up, need to think, as I said this would be THE deal breaker for me.


Always down after a heavy day drinking (hangover) so glad I only do it every couple of weeks. Moped around a lot yesterday (didn't even watch the football, which is not like me!) and really missed my kids. As we swapped weekends last weekend I have got the bad end of things as now I have to go a week and a half before they are with me again, and I don't like it, so will not offer to swap again, not to be nasty or anything, but for me.

I miss my kids


Got a text from W at 10.30am on Sunday (as W would have seen the pics on FB her friend took, and knew I was out) just asking if I was OK, and that the party she was going to on Friday had been cancelled so didn't need to swap.. So that was the first contact in 2 weeks from W, and the first time it wasn't about the kids, or mixing other things into kids communication.

Rope was dropped two weeks ago after our lengthy R conversation, and this will continue.

Part of me thinks W only sent this to say "hello, I'm still here" After knowing I was out, as she didn't need to send it then, or at all ATM, but TBH, I now don't read so much into things

I haven't replied, and don't intent to, I need to stay dark for me. I may even tell her on her next email that whilst W chooses to pursue separation and move on I do not want to speak to her at all. I need to great stronger still.


180's are still in place, and are working well (I am sticking to my morals and beliefs also)

GAL stuff with the kids is still good (could be a little better) might look to take them away somewhere in the holidays, but still feels strange without W, so don't think I am ready yet. Might be good for the kids though, well and me actually......

GAL stuff for me - OK, but again could be better. My main GAL stuff is currently socialising after this was neglected in the M, and going out. I need to look at some other stuff.

Fed up with the rollercoaster still, 70% of the time I feel great, but then have the other side, especially on Mondays for some reason. Just feel down at the moment, and need to snap out of it.

Got lots of compliments on sat from friends I hadn't seen for a while on how good I am looking now, and again from a few women at work this morning, so that helps....

W must be a fool, LOL