I've thought about that a lot and I don't think it is. I am very careful to cut out any and all pursuing and I think that with my new perspective I've been pretty successful at it.
Just after we separated she started bitching about how I never do the things she nags me to do. I do a lot but that was her perception. In my last thread I talked about fixing the shower and how wierd of a thing that was. She didn't even notice it was fixed until I told her much later. And then there was this thing about this tree she wanted removed. I guess in the past I didn't see the tree being removed as important but she did. So a couple weeks ago she's complaining about how I never do the things she asks and the tree is the example. She had tried to remove it herself but it grew back stronger and I guess that really frustrated her. So while she was gone I removed the tree and used a systemic on the roots.
There is something to this beyond my not doing things around the house (which is totally false anyway). It has something to do with her ideas on independence. This has been a theme for a long time. She often feels inadequate if she can't do man stuff herself. She hates the role of supporting woman in a man's world. Not sure how to explain that. But she feels the female role in some things derogatory. Never mind that I do all the cooking.
So she mutters something under her breath the other day about the car battery I left out on the sidewalk. She says something half under her breathe about it a few times when I finally raise my voice and tell her I simply forgot and what's the big deal. I never raise my voice at her.
Come to think about it this muttering under her breathe thing is completely new. She's never done that before. She has a sister, who's a little crazy, that does it all the time and it reminds me a lot of the SIL. I guess it's just a sign of her own recent insanity. Thinking about it coming from someone who is normally so sure of herself and never questions her own thoughts this is very telltale. She did a lot of it today.
So when she went to purchase the battery she asked how to replace a car battery. I was explaining it and then told if she'd like to just bring it back for me to do. Because of her normally being insulted by that sort of thing I fully expected her to say she'd do it herself. She didn't and she happily agreed to bring it back for me to do. So when she got here I did it quickly. Pursuing? well maybe, not sure. But I felt the being a good husband thing ultra important at the moment. Maybe I'm wrong but I don't think so.
So today we went to the beach together. I read up on the boards last night so I was pretty prepared. Knew what to do or at least what not to do.
She was late. I didn't say anything about it and good thing. Turns out she had a rough night with an upset stomach and didn't sleep much. Sounds like she rushed to get here. Had to pick up a nasty cup of road coffee for her because she said she rolled right out of bed without coffee and came. Yeah I know. Sounds like she was off with an OM but I know where she was so I doubt it. Although again it doesn't rule out being up late with some cyber affair.
So today was all over the place emotionally for her. She was very irritable but then later she'd try to be very nice and conversational. The whole day alternated between highly irritated, entertainoing conversation, and just plain silent. Round and round it went. I stayed stable and calm. I asked questions to start conversations. Sometimes it worked and she would talk for awhile and I would listen. Sometimes I got a one word answer.
Granted I know she was tired and we didn't eat til way to late so hungry. and she gets very irritable with either. but it was obviously much more than that. She was a lot like she used to be years ago and that's not a good thing.
There were many attempts at making nice on her part. Some conversations that were a bit fabricated. But it was effort.
So she dropped me off, said "So I guess I'll just see you tomorrow", came over and gave me a kiss and left. Muttered something about bringing the cat in on her way out.
I made sure I don't go to her for a kiss. I did that way to much in the past and it was a big pursuing mistake.
So was today a success? I don't know. I can't say we had a rip roaring good time. It was difficult. I can't say that she would be thrilled and drawn to more dates like that. But on the other hand I kept my cool even when she was complaining. I was accomodating but not in a suck up sort of way. I treated her like a friend and nothing more. Never tried to touch her or kiss her. I played with the dogs and had some fun swimming in the ocean (Even though we were probably on the beach only an hour or so).
So was it a db success? Well I don't know. Thoughts?
