Well OW's ex said that the next step will be for OW to move in with my H - as much as it hurts I can't wait for that to happen. She has a kid - a year younger then our two - he may then see that things aren't all rosy. She's already at his place most of the time (or vice versa - I wouldn't be surprised if he eats at her place all the time), so it's hard for him to miss me and the kids and feel lonely. My H was emailing me nearly everyday at the beginning but now it's about once a fortnight, and he calls the kids once a fortnight too.
What are you going to do to GAL?
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
Yeah, right now our S's are in the throes of love for these people, so it could be quite some time before any fog starts lifting. I'm kind of glad. I hate feeling so attached to her to the point where I think about her all the time and wish I could have her back. It wouldn't be attractive to her and it's sure not attractive to me. I'm ready to detach bit by bit and become my own person.
As for GAL, I've already been getting back into my exercise regimen and healthier diet. Since I'm the one buying the food, I can keep from buying the stuff that makes me fat! My real goal is to get some friends or start doing something social like joining a club. I feel like I've only been at either work or my apartment for weeks. I'm getting stir-crazy… You?
My GAL are to continue to lose weight. I was losing weight before H left. I had lost around 10kgs (22lbs). Since he left I've lost another 12kg (26lbs) and now am the lightest I have been since I met my H 14 years ago. I now want to lose another 15kg (33lbs) which will put me at my ideal weight of around 65kg (143lb). I also want to get fitter and tone up. Concentrate of building up my business (I have my own Accounting and tax business - that weeks before H left he was studying to come and work for me eventually), meet some new friends (since all of my friends are his friends etc) join a club or group (easier said then done when you work full-time and have two kids 13 nights a fortnight), and do some of the jobs around the house that we were always gonna do.
I'm about to go post in my thread a few things - one is story of someone else in a similar position who hubby after 5 months wants to come home!
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
I heartily agree with the exercising and losing weight idea for GAL! I've lost about 30lbs since H dropped his poo-bomb, and I'd like to lose another 30 (which would put me at my goal weight of 150lb). I've also started working out - I'm trying to treadmill 5 days a week, and I do 100 crunches/pushups/squats every other day.
It's amazing how much better it makes me feel, and I bet it will work for you too!
H: 39, Me: 37 SD: 18, S: 7 M: 9, T: 10 "I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11 Discovered online affair - 7/11
It sounds like all three of us are in the same boat -- getting crowded! I wanted to post real quick to suggest that you guys take a look at a website if you haven't already. It's called emotionalaffair.org, and it's a blog written by a husband who had an EA and his wife in order to help them recover, as well as help others learn more. For me, this site was the final nail in the coffin built to contain all my fears about the situation. The wife became a real research nut about the matter (even more than me!) and has lots of great insights to help the LBS get by. Also, the H does a great job at communicating what his experience was like, including being under the dreaded "fog" and being trapped inside the "A bubble." I won't bother to list all of the things it confirmed for me, of which there were many. Instead, I would suggest going through their posts chronologically -- there are over 300, so get ready to read! I'm still, of course, leaving the idea of her leaving me for him permanently open (because you just have to), but suffice it to say that I feel a LOT better about the sitch AND myself after combing through their helpful words.
It truly is. I see it as a good thing because seeing so many other stories turn out to be as textbook as mine is gave me a lot of hope and good ideas about what to expect, but of course it's terrible (and kind of chilling) how common it is. And just how easily it can happen, too! In a way, it makes sense. When you're the unfaithful S who is dealing with the harsh realities of M and dealing with your own problems with self-esteem & happiness, it seems like it makes you all too vulnerable to getting sucked into an irrational fantasy relationship with someone else. And, given that the A continually is compared to being on a drug, it's hard to extricate yourself or see things clearly once you're in. Just have to wait until the high gets stale and reality inevitably sets in.
I would spend a good chunk of time combing through the "Another Divorce Busted!" section of the BB. When I first came here, it gave me a lot of hope when I wasn't feeling very much at all. To be honest, it seems like the ratio of WAW and WAH stories in there are pretty half-and-half. It can happen to either party, and either party can reverse the momentum as long as they're willing to work hard for the long haul.
Talked to my W yesterday several times. The first time, it was strictly business -- trying to get my phone service transferred. It wasn't even me who called her, it was my mother-in-law. She gave the phone to me to talk to her. Without even probing for further conversation, she started asking me about my new apartment and trying to talk to me about what she heard about one of our old TV shows. When we said goodbye, the way she said "Bye" sounded much softer than usual. I noticed it and couldn't help but think that there was something behind it.
Turns out that I was right. She called me much later at night around 10 PM. She'd obviously been crying prior to calling me. When I asked her what was wrong, she paused, then answered that she was "lonely" (despite the fact that she had already talked to me earlier that day, and despite the fact that she could have easily talked to OM -- he's on the same time zone as me). We had a fifteen-minute conversation about what's been going on for us. Michele has stated in DR that "little steps are big deals," and there were little steps all over this conversation:
--Of course, she called me. I didn't call her. --Her voice was softer. --There was more joking and laughter. Our sense of humor was always very strong and one of our greatest points in the M. --She admitted that she really missed me. (Of course, she quickly followed up with "Not like that," but still. I think that she threw that out there to keep me from going into "pressure mode." This is also after our last big conversation, she said that she "thought" that she missed me but really didn't. Again...ping-pong answers...) --She said very earnestly to "call anytime."
It might not have seemed like a big deal to anyone else, but to me, it was an affirmation that things are headed in the right direction. Backing off and giving her space in order to think about things and miss me are clearly working. And I acted like a good friend throughout the whole conversation. I think I'm on the right track, and I'm very happy that this happened last night.
Being her friend is the BASIS for a long term marriage. In the future, we KNOW
you will need more. She knows that too.
But for now, let her feel the freedom she thought she craved and see where it gets her.
She might find that the grass is greener where it gets the most water.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
