Thank you very much for your thoughtful response. In response to your questions, it was my wife who went immediately to divorce upon the reveal. I do not believe it was spur of the moment however, as she had been working up to it for a while and clearly had it thought through. I will also say that the OM is out of the picture, there is no longer any contact at work or not as they are both out of the environment.
WRT my wife being rejected, what specifically are the problems I should anticipate? This is one of my fears -- that I'm dealing with grief and rebound issues that really don't have to do with me, so my efforts may make the situation worse. I'm somewhat directionless here.
In terms of being back to the table, I did do a lot of fence mending, did a 180, etc. I treated the situation like I had one chance to turn it around and that was all. I will say that if not for this site, I would not have been able to do it. I do believe she's here of her own will and by her own decision. I will also say that I believe she is making an effort at establishing intimacy, as am I.
I appreciate your guidance and your words -- when I wrote my initial post I was in a dark place and needing to vent, it helped. I agree that it's very important not to hold anything back, believe me, I've given it every ounce, as well as some reserves I didn't know I had.
