BE CAREFUL DBING

[ninelives]

Again this board overwhelms me with support. i got back from the funeral home and its really sinking in now that she is gone.

We went over the particulars with my best friend and brother in law. There is conflict , of course, between her family and me about the viewing. We all agree that there wont be a viewing as she did not wish this but i need to see her again and say a few things to her. the funeral director strongly suggested that the boys see her again for closure. i have heard this before. as a phys ed teacher, i have heard many times a funeral director tell the class the importance of closure.

My sil who has been very supportive, absolutely doesnt think the boys she be exposed to this. my bil also disagrees but thinks its up to me. my other bil thinks it would be traumatic. the funeral director said i should not push it one way or another about whether to do this and i am leaning this way. i know myself, i will view her repeatedly because i have trouble letting go and i will have soooooooo much trouble seeing her for the last time.

i called my two sweet boys into my room and we talked about their wishes. My youngest immediately said he wanted and my oldest was stoic about it. he said he would let me know.

i am also going to do the eulogy, or at least try my best .\\

i could use some help with some opinions

I also could use some help with ideas for the funeral for the paper. What usually goes into, i guess i could by a local paper and look at the back at the obit and that is what i will do.\\

Thanks again for all the support.\

i am convinced that alcohol killed my wife. She was having a great time every body said. Was blowing kisses at the bar to her firends, was happy. Was making plans for tomorrow.\

SOMETHING happened when she got home and i dont know what that could have been. i suppose i may get some clues when i get her blackberry.\\

there is a theory that she was texting him to tell him that he ruined her life and that she would show him or idk. all speculation.\\

i have tons of people supporting me/ phone ringing off hook and my closest frineds here from my hometown and my cloesest friends her from my current town.

i am blessed in this capacity. i dont want to blame myself but that is how i roll. always have in sports etc...


i dont want the kids to blame themselves and i am careful not to ever let them hear that .

Tomorrow, they will do they autopsy on my angel. i did love her so much but didnt have the power to be patient with her. i would give anything to have her back, even if she chose om , that would be waaaaay better than this.

Sometime i would think early in our separation, that her death would be easier than her leaving me for om . i see now that this was a selfish way to think and that her death is the worst thing possible. My kids deserve a mother.

She was a wonderful mother. let me share one story that show this.

one christmas, she was very concerned that our oldest would not get the present he wanted. it was a wii when they first came out.

As many know, we live in a small town and there were no wiis whatsoever left. she called the city 1 and half hours away and found ten in stock at a futureshop. She asked them to set one aside but they couldnt. She just finished working nights and was dead tired. i had to go to work and told her that if we couldnt get the wii, it was not the end of the world. the crazy fool drove to Sudbury in a mild snowstorm and she detested driving in the snow. She got him the wii and we gave it to him like the father did in a christmas story. What a memeory of her.

God im going to miss her. i already do and its only been 2 days.

pete