2 years ago, my grandfather committed suicide. He was 94 years old.
For no less than 10 years prior to that, he confessed his desire to end his life. His suffering. His suffering was physical pain.
For 10 years, I lived with this knowledge. When he was down, I was there for him. To remind him of what he had to live for. His grand children, his great grand children... maybe even his great-great-grand children... and the other things he loved to do, when he was feeling physically well...
He drove and took care of himself, right up until the day he took his life...
I had to morn his death for 10 years... I took it well, but still... it was sad...
During the last two years of his life, it was becoming more and more obvious he was "getting ready" to do it...
The day before he took his life, I had a strong suspicion he was "ready"...
And there was nothing I could do, to prevent it...
And he asked me that day, to come over the next day to take care of "some stuff"...
And this was not "odd" for him to ask... this was completely in character...
and I COULD have been there... with him... that night... to make sure he was alive the next day...
And in the end, the task he wanted me to do... was to go to his place and take the next steps to take care of his body...
And I did that... I called the appropriate authorities and answered the usual questions and thus, the last page of his legacy was written...
Could have, should have, etc... attempted suicide is rarely fatal. Sure... MAYBE your W miscalculated... maybe her text was a cry for help... or maybe... just maybe... she was ready to go...
You will go through the usual phases that survivors of suicide will go through. One of those phases is anger... Her act was selfish... HOW COULD SHE... and that is the pain she was in...
And... without a doubt... she did not want you or your sons... those she truly loved... to suffer... even though you will... I do not doubt that as long as you and your sons suffer, she would be sad...
This is the ultimate in understanding what forgiveness really means...
Forgive yourself... help your sons forgive themselves... and forgive your W...
You deserve it, your sons deserve it... SHE deserves it...
My heart and prayers remain with you and your sons...
