My heart is breaking for you and your children. You play a part in the dance in your relationship, but you really didn't play a part in this. Alcohol and pills and drama, there are so many pieces and it is all just a terrible mess. But you really don't know what would have happened if you had stayed or if you had done other things...but maybe it would have been even worse then.
You are just human. Your wife was just human.
We are all here for you. We are not a substitute for those with expertise to help you, we are ancillary. I'm sure you know that.
Do you have a good support system around you? Are you involved with a local church? There are also services through the hospitals (social workers, etc) to help you and your children.
