BE CAREFUL DBING

[25yearsmlc]

9,

First, I send you all the positives...((( )))

Second, please reflect on what I'm about to say...

I don't think your w meant to die or she wouldn't have texted OM.

People who really want to die, don't warn/text others.

I think she simply miscalculated a few things, such as when OM would get the text, and how much she had to drink (which is probably why she miscalculated) versus how many pills, etc.

She reached out to OM b/c you were too far away to help so she sent it to him...NOT the act of someone who wants to die...imo) And you could not have gotten there in time. So she sent it to him.

My dear 9,
your desire to blame yourself is likely to hurt your sons more than you realize,

and does not stem from a place of health or love.

Down the road, I hope you see this.

But blaming yourself makes this about

what someone else could do to prevent a person from hurting themself.

How does that teach your sons personal responsibility or boundaries?

It teaches them about blame & having no boundaries. What if this was the accident I think it was? (And the evidence suggests...)

Why focus on how "she chose to leave us" and force your boys to question their own roles? (Which they will do if they see you doing that).

Don't let her illness color the view of the event.

At least reflect on what you see here.

Frankly, If any of us somehow thought you'd "blown it" with human error,

we'd tell you to forgive yourself and move on b/c we all make mistakes and can't know the future.

But no one thinks YOU blew it!

Why? B/C

You didn't leave her in anger or part with bitter words.

You even told her you have always loved her and she said it back to YOU.

Your parents have needs too, (as do your sons, as does your job, the world, bills need to be paid, etc) and she appeared to be making plans for a decent weekend.

As I said before, you could not be with her 24/7.

She changed her mind AFTER you left.

When your head clears some, ask if You really think nothing odd or dramatic would have happened if you had stayed?

No one can "know", but based on the recent past...some other "event" was coming.

Besides, No one would expect a MOTHER to do this. (What if your son had found her?)

But again, People who want to die don't text others to warn them.


I may be wrong, but what if I'm right? Think of your son's views...and

I believe in my heart of hearts this was a horrible accident. It happened to someone with an illness who self medicated for her pain with alcohol and

whose illness caused her to do dramatic "crisis inducing" acts, with tragic results.

Are you to blame for her illness? (Of course not).

Please make this about the illness and the deaths' accidental nature

rather than have your sons look to blame others, or you, or worse, themselves.

I think your 11 y/o son's reaction was probably healthy, given his loss.
I hope your 15 y/o will be able to confront his grief too.

I will keep praying for all of you.

As Truegrit says,

you'll have to find even more courage down deep.

But it is there. I know this.

Let the love you have for your sons & your w, and her love for you and them

be your guide now. Not blame or self reproach.

LOVE...LIGHT...

((( ! )))