Struggling with forgiveness myself. It's going to take a little time. If he's really intent on saving the R, You have to at least let him know, you need some time.
I cannot even touch my XW right now. Even though we're cordial and civil and all that crap, when she enters my personal space, I find myself having to withdraw. I am open to the possibility that someday we could get back together or perhaps never. I just know that right now I'm not ready.
You at least are dealing with someone who wants to save things. I had to deal with a WAW who cheated and then divorced me. Listen to 25; you have a huge head start on most of us.
Ask yourself, what do you really want? Vengeance? Forgiveness? and not impossible things like wanting none of this to have ever happened. How important is the M? Can you imagine yourself not married?
I have found myself imagining how I would react if months or years from now XW comes to me and says the grass wasn't greener on the other side of D. Today, certainly I'd say I'm not ready. But in time - who knows? Today I still wrestle with thoughts of "don't get mad, get even."
One thing I do advise - pray for forgiveness, not to be forgiven, that we do anyway, no - pray for the ability and power to forgive - because trust me, you and I, we don't have enough of that right now.
Prayers Pickle
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
