Tad, Both Beatrice and seeking have given you excellent advice. In fact that same advice has been repeated over and over again on your thread and others. Detach, focus on you and your children and now the new job.
Mlcers have to repeat things over and over again to convince themselves and others that they are doing the right thing. Somewhat like the story "Green Eggs and Ham". Until they face their demons and come to understand that what happened to them long ago isn't their fault and finally understand that happiness comes from within, they'll continue to act like three year olds.
It took your wife a very long time to get to where she is today and it's going to take a while for her to work through her issues and who knows who she will be at the end of her journey, i.e., maybe the same person, but more settled, a different individual w/some traits of the person you knew, or someone totally different. That transformation will be a very long time down the road. In the meantime, time doesn't stand still and who knows...you may rediscover the person that you were a long time and ago and begin enjoying life once again. Hobbies and that list you put aside because you never had time will suddenly look inviting to you and you'll start checking the items off of that list.
No matter what you do, you must keep the focus on you and what you can control. Your wife is a very lost and confused individual and you do not need to go down into the dark hole with her. Leave her be, allow the comments she makes to roll off your back. Misery loves company and it's evident she's pulling you right into her pitty pot with her. Stop the cycle and start living your life as if she's not going to return.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
