As I read your post - I found myself doing what I shouldn't be doing - comparing it to my situation. You know "didn't I detach enough?" / "didn't I go on with life and smile and keep the family going?" If I can answer yes - then why didn't MY XH see that? Why wasn't that appealing enough to him to come home?
IB, you already know those are silly questions that have no answer. The main reason why is that, my H didn't start to "wake up" because of me. He started to "wake up" because of HIM. HE instigated his own change of thought. I was fortunate because he, like I mentioned, is the kind of man who isn't afraid to think that he might be wrong. Some MLCers are too filled with anger, or fear, or rage, or sadness that they don't do anything but run. And since they were not happy while WITH us, they know nothing other than to run AWAY from us. When happiness doesn't pan out for them, some will start to reevaluate. But some continue to run, hoping beyond hope that even though they haven't found that elusive happiness, as long as they keep running they're bound to find it. In those cases, there is nothing for the LBS to do other than let them go. Maybe in time, years later, they'll reevaluate. Maybe not. But until then, they aren't truly capable of a healthy relationship anyway. Don't beat yourself up about not doing enough. As is said time and time again. WE can't fix them. WE can't heal marriages. WE can only work on ourselves. And IB, I think you're doing an amazing job.
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
