BE CAREFUL DBING

[ninelives]

Okay, im going to try this again. I typed a reply and it got erased somehow.\

Energy level down to fumes.

Thank you for the kind words everyone. 25 as always, insight great, country love you and 2step, nevr have offended me always there for me.

GRR, lp, all the bits kaffe etc. sorry if not mentioning names

Denver etc thanks


let me tell you about last contacts with wife

B4 i left, she was texting me every night and we were talking

She was telling me how out of sorts she was and she cuoldnt be with people. She was having dinner with us most nights and wanted friendship from me. i gave it to her but also made it clear i could not just be friends down the road. she always said too much pressure to think about anything else.

WHY couldnt i just be her friend . WHY

We planned so many trips in the future for rest of summer. in fact we were supposed to be at her uncles 70bd in Chapleau ontarion but she changed her mind. if there, she would still be alive today. i tried to convince her to still go but i didnt want to push her. So instead, i decide to go down south to visit my parents. We were also supposed to go to marineland with kids in niagara falls and then to thunder bay, her hometown and then.

i kept saying to her, lets plan things so we have something to look forward to.

B4 i left for southern ontario, so she could miss me a little and so i could clear my head and ride on my bike and so i could see my parents. i also told her i would take this opportunity to see what i really wanted .

she was supposed to come over b4 i left and night b4 she was supposed to go to a shower for a friend, told me she went.

i asked her how it was she said fine, i asked if she drank and she said no . i asked if she went to bar after to dance and she said of course not. i would never go to that bar again. Thats were om worked and where she met him etc/

then later that day, she told me she didnt go to the shower at all, could not muster the courage to go. she lied about going.\\i asked why and that she had to stop lying. She said she was sorry but couldnt go. i said then you should have called us as i wanted to spend time with the family b4 i left and maybe watch a movie the 4 of us.

i then told her oldest would get a movie for the three of them when i was gone and have some family time. She said she was consider going to the country fest which is in our little town this weekend. Big production, alan jackson and lesser acts.\\

i didnt want her going to that as there is alcohol involved but i didnt want to push her. also i thought she was going with youngest son. Turns out she was going to go with him on Sat and had plans with best friend and her daughter to go . She tried to call her best friend in town on several occasions but they just kept missing each other.\

So what does areshole nine do. he leaves to go out of town on his bike to unwind to think, to party a little and to see parents.

b4 i leave i see her at her place. She is looking beautiful as ever. i tell her so but i am always aware she doesnt take compliments well.

m: well im off to go down south, got little time to catch ferry

W; have a great trip, love to your parents

m: if i dont see you again, i want you to know that i always cared for you deeply. ( wanted to say more but dont want to push

W: why are you saying this

m: idk, kinda of a ritual for me when im on bike, just in case. u know bike survival rates if accident. just a thing i say to kids but not dramatic. just say to kids, i love you \

W: Well i always cared for you through all this

i offer my hand for a handshake cause i know she sometimes feels uncomfortable with hugs

W: is that all i get is a handshake.

M: wsnt sure what you wanted,

I give her a hug but i still have my helmet on as i am now running late for ferry. slight embrace. If i knew my god i would have squeezed her

i leave and contact her via text about me being on standby and for her to use the pool and be well.\

She texts back that she will and that she is going to country fest. i dont wnat her to go but dont want to push.


This is what i can piece together.

She went with girls that like to party, she was in beer garden so i assume she was drinking. Then went to that effing bar she said she would never go back to. must have tweaked feelings for om or something cause she called him at 3 a.m , tells him she is going to take pills, he works at 6 am and doesnt get text till 530, he calls ambulance, they get there and take her to hospital, work on her and cant revive her.

meanwhile, arsehole nine does Not text her like usual or she texts him . he wants to let her miss him. he partys and is actually awake checking his texts but none from her. 9 is actually hurt because no texts from her. While she is dying, nine is having drinks. WTF

i go to sleep, people are trying to find me. i get call from police on my cell. She tells me W has od, then i drop call.

i call hospital, get nurse, she knows me, knows wife well as she worked there. i ask if w is dead, she tells me to calm down. i say eff that, tell me is W dead. She wont tell me for what seems like eternity. She finally tells me. i throw phone and am inconsolable. Bawling like idkn what.

my best friend drives me back to ferry, goes on with me, we get special room.

i talk to oldest son and is really worrying me cause he is in denial and goes about day like nothing wrong. meanwhile, youngest son is still at friends, no one has told. i want to tell him.\
i go there, bring him outside. around back of house.\\

m: hey buddy, how are you\

S; good dad , good to see you

M; i have some horrible news

S; ok

M; its really bad so be ready

s hat is it

m: ur mom has had an accident

S. is it bad

M: yes really bad, your never going to see her again

sons eyes get as big as saucers as realization sets in.

M' Sweetie, ur mom is dead.

i cant explain how numb i went. he starting balling to the effect that i could not believe that sound was cominf from an 11 year old.\


S; i want my mommy, i want my mommy

Thats all i have for now. i know many of you have said its not my fault but in many ways it is. I should never have left her in her state. there is nothing anyone can say to change my mind. i have a huge part in this.

pete