Thought it would be done by now...

[25yearsmlc]

HOnestly, can't wait for that!!! I just want to live my life and move ahead without him now. Sad, but true. I have geen GAL but this is always in the back of my mind. Once I file, I think I may feel I have really, truly moved on.

First off, seeing a L and filing are two SEPARATE events.

Second, your L can file to get a support order from your h without filing for a Div (unless your state is unusual).

Third, so what if you do file? 1/3 of filed divorces are never completed in my state. Sometimes reality wakes them up and a reconciliation is more likely when they have the "space" they think they need.

He's forced your hand and projected onto you the actions HE took (his so called fear you were removing money for a lawyer justified CLOSING the account or taking all the money?? Really? He's a dangerous alien)

Finally,

you keep making this about what HE will do how HE will feel.

And that means you are putting your fears of losing him (which MAY have already happened and

regardless is out of your control)

ALL ahead of what's best for the kids.

When you keep your focus on the kids and their need for a steady reliable income

this gets a lot simpler.

Maybe when OW sees the diminished income , your h won't be so fun. They can only blame you for so long.

When you said your L said they don't bother with "LS" does that mean leg separations?

IDK what state you are in but in ours, it was beneficial.

If you like and trust your L, listen to them.

Most of the rest of your questions are answerable in other posts to you.


I hope your GAL activities include meeting other people and doing new things.


Remember to prepare for the worst but hope for the best

(and be flexible about what the "best" means...might mean

having him show up and visiting the kids on a regular basis...)


6 weeks with no contact doesn't amaze me, btw.


Just see the L, file the papers you need to feel financially secure and make your new mantra

"it's about our kids, H, they need/deserve to be provided for and I'm doing what I have to do to make sure that happens...". Don't engage or defend yourself about seeing a L.

Sorry, but after all that he has done, you'd have to be a fool not to see one and do something to get security for your children. What choice do you have if he won't show up to discuss things anyhow?

This is NOT that complicated.

( I know you think it IS complicated b/c you want to "understand WHY???",

but as far as what you have to DO now, it's not complicated).

Forget whatever promise or "pearl" you thought you had, saying you'd never file. That doesn't make sense to me anyhow. If he hit you in the face in front of them, would you have filed THEN?? It's not a pearl; it was a promise made with the idea that it showed commitment. But your commitment is to your family, not your h. There's a difference. If he wants to take you all in a sinking boat together, you don't go b/c your job is to keep the children safe, ie the family...let him self destruct on his own.

and if you do see him, you can be upbeat about their lives (letting him know there are HAPPY fun times he's missing out on,

NOT GUILTing him-it backfires and does NOT get them home!!)

There are some advantages to his NOT being around.

Plan on hearing from him around the holidays (if not sooner)

or when his L says it'll save money for him to have some visitation...(or he pays more)

then we'll see how that goes.

Good luck,

this may not be over. Time will tell. But yes, right now it's about the kids!