Well, I have been diving into the db book and spending alot of time on my own, which actually isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Sure, I miss the OM but not in a loving way, I see more and more each day that I was never in love with him to begin with. My ex called me and asked me this weekend if D could say with me on Sat--was his day. I said sure and he told me that he was going out. The old me would have gone nuts thinking about who he was going with, where and what does she look like. When he mentioned going out, I told him that is was good, that he hardly goes out and he has been so busy lately that he deserves a night out. He told me that maybe next weekend he would take me and d to see the new lord of the rings movie. I said sure and didn't float around afterwards did think about what it meant. It's just two parents taking their daughter to the movies and nothing more. And if he doesn't ask me thats fine too, he could spend some quality time with his daughter. Hopefully, this new me will allow me to get closer to my goal and be with my family again!
Anita thats great! Great attitude. Its also nice to look forward to having some time as a family. If something more develops then great, if not you are own your way to controlling your happiness. I'm proud of you.
Well, just like we are still married. Spent all day with them x-mas eve then for supper he went to parents house and I went home. X-mas day I met them for church and brought a quiche and d's present. She opened her presents. Ex gave me or should I say d gave me a beautiful picture of d on the ledge overlooking this beautiful lake from their summer trip to Poland. I also got a phot album full with pictures from Poland and even one photo of ex and her. It was really nice. I gave him a card with a gift card in it. He was a little angry that I did that, saying I didn't have to do that but I added that it was also from d (not!) Fri has was gone all day. OM called because he got me and d tickets to the ballet and he wanted me to come pick them up and sorry to say I did. Nothing happened, brought back some feelings, lust I think. It's so hard being with ex and not getting any physcial attention. Well anyway Sat morning, called ex and asked him if he wanted to go with me and d to Barnes and Noble, said yes and we ended up spending the entire day shopping. We got Chinese for supper, then his brother called and he talked on the phone forever, I felt weird sitting with my daughter. She told me she had somehting to show me and took me to the dad's bedroom and in a pile of magazines hidden was a xmas card from our tenant (the one that he had asked out before) and she just signed her name and worte a note thanking him for being a great landlord. I got upset because it was hidden and then my mind goes crazy. Then daughter showed me that he still had the envlope from the card on the counter, again hidden under some misc. papers. I am collecting used stamps for my school and I remember him going in that pile giving me used stamps, except from the tenents card, the stamp was still there. But talked myself out of flipping out, he spent the day with me and that was good. Next day he asked me and d to the movies. Went to the movies then back to his place and we ordered pizza I wanted to pay, but he gave me half. Stayed almost all night then bed time comes and I go home. Don't know what to think, I don't know how long I can keep this up. A friend at work wants to fix me up with someone and I feel like saying yes just so that I can go out--just guy and girl no daughter, but then I think no, I need to be home for my ex-h.
Anita, I knowwhatyou mean. You want affection from your ex and if he can't then you want it from somewhere else. But your ex is giving you a chance. Don't blow it. My ex met OM after we D, or so she says. We would get close then I would press for more. Now I don't press and things seem to be moving forward. Taking one day at a time. Just leave OM be. Remember you have to prove yourself to him.
well T2, I told him I had to go pick up tickets to a ballet show that I got as a xmas gift and that was that, he didn't ask me anything about them and I am a little gun shy when it comes to offering information that hasn't been asked for. That's how I got into this mess to begin with. I always try to treat people like I would want to be treated. During our marriage when he was never around, I told him, hey, I am starting to have feelings for this guy at work, hey I am feeling a physical attraction for this guy at work, hey I had this guy transferred to another department because I really want to be with this guy. I was totally up front, as painful as it was to both of us. Maybe he never thought I would do anything. At first when I saw the tenents card yeah I was jealous, but I think you nailed it "selective honesty" and then I was hurt. It brought back all the fights we had about her. When she moved in all three of us clicked right away. She is a really nice person who would actually be a good mach for my ex. Her husband walked out on her and her two girls when they were 6 months and 2 years old. She also had a fire and lost everything and we had a fire also. the ex always could talk forever with people and she was so nice. Since she was starting over, I gave her alot of my daughter's old clothes, toys etc. We were still married and in therapy when he admitted in an individual session that he had an attraction to the tenant and wished he could find someone like her. when we divorced, I was still seeing the counselor and one day daughter called up all upset because dad had called the tenant and asked her out, he wanted to take daugheter and tenant and her girls and have this nice evening. Well he only got her answering machine and left a message (tenant never called hiim back). a couple of days later during one of my sessions the counselor let it slip that he had feelings for our tenant and that was it. I went crazy, I felt like he was cheating on me! I confronted him and we had a big fight and he told me that he didn't have time to date anyone, including the tenant. I told him I didn't care who he dated, but that since he was complaining about money being tight, that having a good tenant and going out with her was not a good idea--actualy kinda creepy. Plus, as you all know, its hard enough to establish a relationship with one person and then bring kids into the picture and it becomes even harder. My om is a sore spot for the ex and the tenant is a sore spot for me. Maybe he was hiding the card because he knows that it would make me angry. Years ago, I had confronted her and she said that they were just friends. But if he does want or is giving me a chance, I don't know why he would hide things from me. When I first moved in with OM, he has a two family, he lived upstairs and I lived downstairs. I begged the ex to come see the living arrangements but he never did, never dropped off daughter, I always came to his house to pick her up. So sorry for babblling, but I did not tell him that the OM gave me the tickets.
well, your are right about everything Kim , I have been only on my own for 3 months. For those 3 years, I never really went out with OM, I had my daughter every fri, and sat night. OM and daughter and me never did any "family" things together. Everytime the ex needed to go somewhere, I was there at his house to watch daughter. during those three years I was always at his beck and call. Whatever he asked me to do, I did it. If I didn't still love him I would have said forget it buddy, you have daughter every other fri and sat, so that each of us has an opportunity to date or whatever we wanted to do without daughter, alone time. Hi brother had an affair with a married woman and she hated her husband, took him for everything and married his brother. If I didn't still love my ex I would have gotten married to the OM a long time ago. Why can't he at least say, Anita, I have feelings for you, but still I am having trust issues with you. I would like to work on a relationship with you but I need to work on trust issues first. Then I would be like okay, now I know where we stand.
I just feel like I will be paying for my mistake forever! At least you have some affection. am I going to have to prove myself for ten years and then I get, yeah I trust you now so lets work on our relationship. Right now I am just his servent girl, who does everything he asks and it hurts and rotts!! I am working on myself, but I'm human, what if a guys asks me out, if I got out with him then the ex is going to think that I don't love him and want to get back with him. I'm doomed to a life of waiting!
Anita you may feel like a servant girl, but YOU HAVE TO REALIZE THAT IT WAS YOU THAT CAUSED YOUR EX TO NOT TRUST YOU. You had feelings for OM, you persued that, it caused you M to fail. Now you want your H back at the snap of your fingers. Its not that easy, trust takes a long time to build. I wanted my ex back so bad I did and still do everything she asks. But now her betrayal is starting to creep into how I feel when we are together. I wonder if I can re-establish a long term R with her, or maybe one will develop with this OW now. I guess I will date both and maybe others until someone show that they want me. I have changed a lot through all this and am a much better person for it.
