Just b/c we can't "see" mental illness - the way we can see a tumor or an ultrasound can show one-
doesn't make this your fault.
You're no more responsible for this than if she'd gotten cancer.
(Please assure your sons of the same so they don't ever regret the "hard time" they gave her or any time they feel they let her down. They were "good enough" for her, but her illness was more serious than anyone realized.)
She was diagnosed with an illness and you could not cure her.
Her therapist could not cure her. Her doctor didn't cure her.
You could not be with her 24/7.
And No One Saw This Coming...we thought you were in "piecing" or about to be...
I believe in God, 9. Let HIM comfort you at this time. All
I can offer you is what I learned from a similar event in my past.
My best friend's 26 y/o son (her only child) struggled with a diagnosis similar to your w's.
The medications then (1997), made him sluggish. But NOT taking the meds made him do things that he deeply regretted... He asked "so THIS is my life forever?"
When the certainty & reality of his diagnosis, and the life long nature/consequences of it all hit him,
he turned to heroin,
and in a sudden move, he overdosed at home....
We asked if it was accidental or deliberate... (And did that matter?)
My friend saw it as the same,
for he was either self medicatig for his pain, or deliberately leaving her,
and the resulting loss certainly was the same for her.
Her guilt as the survivor of a suicide (which your sons may feel someday) was horrible (and to me, unfair/inaccurate).
But She did say at one point,
"Son was so torn up inside for so long, at least now he can rest."
Your beloved wife was a torn woman in great pain and turmoil. It was all she had known for some time.
There is no blame to hurl out or assign.
Do NOT LET ANYONE assume responsibility for this, or it'll turn & get hurtful fast. Kids need assurances now, more than ever. Pulling together would be good.
But what I really want to tell you is this: She loved you and your sons deeply, & she knew you all loved her.
She was in too much pain to see another way out. This was part of the illness.
Your loss is too vast for feeble words but please know that - She is at rest in the arms of a loving God. She is healed.
She would want YOU to heal, and
to love & strengthen your sons
(maybe in a way she feared she'd hinder).
I will keep praying for peace to enter your heart and your son's to KNOW she loved them, as I know she loved you.
And for whatever "sins" of commission or of omission, that truly are yours, know that you are forgiven.
And so is she. Her illness killed her. (God knows).
(((( ))))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
