Nine,
I'm not really sure I'll convey what I'm trying to say correctly, but I have to try.

What everyone here has said about not blaming yourself is absolutely correct! Your dear wife may have had issues with things you've said or done, but they were her issues to deal with.

And why do I say that? Because slightly over a year ago I tried to take my life (and thankfully failed). Yes, I had anger and extreme sadness over my situation, but ultimately I swallowed my pills because I thought that it would be easier to deal with than going on with all the pain inside of me. Pain I had long before I ever met my W, pain I carried from childhood.

If your W was bipolar, she was at an elevated risk for suicide to begin with.

Just like they say about MLCs, it's not about you it's about them. Please, please, PLEASE make sure you take care of *yourself* and your kids.

My heart goes out to you, your family and everyone's lives that your W touched.

Me 43 W 38
M 5 T 7
SD20
S15, S13 with 1st W
ILYBNILWY June 2010
Separation/Bomb July 2010
Divorce Feb 8, 2011