WAW, not sure how to proceed...

[dearme]

Wife remarked this morning about how bummed out she's been lately. When I asked her if she cared to elaborate, she said it was basically because of "what's going on with us," and because she's been thinking about "what's going to happen to the kids, and to us..."

I guess it's good that thinking about that stuff bums her out. I told her I definitely understand and can relate, and we pretty much left it at that.

Funny, we talked about our dinner plans again today, and she had thought I made the reservations for the same place we went last time. When I told her I had actually made them for a different place, a small plates lounge that she actually goes to quite often with her girlfriends after work, she got a little bit quiet. I had chosen the lounge because there was a time when she told me how good it was and how much she thought I would like it, and because I figured I would pick some place different from the last time but that I also knew she liked... but from her silence I got the sense that there was some reluctance on her part to go to a place where she's basically a regular, and where I'm quite sure she was thinking about how many people we would run into that know our situation and would find it odd to see us out together. That actually happened the last time we went out...we ran into two of her coworkers (two girls in their early 20's who I've been made aware have been encouraging my wife's discontent), and they were visibility flummoxed to see us out together. And the last time I went out by myself, I had two different people that I haven't seen in years come up and ask me about the state of my marriage, so my wife has obviously been sharing our circumstances with whoever cares to listen.

Part of me was inclined to keep the reservations and tell my wife that I intended to still go... but I decided to go with the fact that no matter what I think is rolling around in her head, I don't know for sure what my wife is thinking, and I'll go with what she said whether it's the truth or not--that she "just really enjoyed the experience we had the last time" and would prefer to do that again rather than go to the lounge. So, the reservations have been changed...

Our conversation got cut off by the kids coming out to the kitchen where we were talking, but she had been saying that as much as she enjoyed the invitations and the plans I was making, she found it all weird... both because she's not used to it, and because she didn't expect it from a man who has been told by his wife that she wants a divorce. She had said a couple weeks earlier that she keeps waiting for me to get angry and mean, instead of being this new person that she's seeing.

I didn't get a chance to respond, but I would have told her that I understand why it would be weird to her...to finally get what she's been wanting all along, but that this is the result of the awakening I've had...that I know now what it is to be a man, and a good husband, and to give to the people you love the things that you know make them happy, and that this is the person I intend to be regardless of what ultimately happens to/between us.