Loving, Listening, and Letting Go..

[aeolianchaos]

I'm telling you this, but in a lot of your posts it sounds like you blame her for the position you're in with work - or that you are in some way very tied to her around this stuff. I could be wrong, but I think that is something that can ... help.

Blame her? Maybe.. It is a weird situation, but basically we both were going towards the same career goals. The problem is that every time we relocated (literally every year we were together) it was for her benefit because in the back of my head I felt like she had a much stronger chance of 'making it'. At first I was okay - I had done good work networking and the first couple years was doing as well or better than she was at that stuff. However by year 3 we relocated for her stuff and I just couldn't get anything going - also, because we knew it was a temporary gig - I didn't have as much motivation to do as much to establish myself. I ended up getting burnt out and when we relocated (again) I couldn't get myself going again in terms of setting up gigs. Not working was a choice I made and blindly defended because I was very singleminded and lacked much sense of self-efficacy in terms of being able to work and pursue my bigger 'dreams.'

I made a lot of miscalculations along the way and I can't blame her for much of it. On the other hand, I hate to think that it somehow justifies her actions and her decision to leave the M. Afterall, despite my issues I was perpetually supportive of her and sacrificed what I did have in order to accommodate her. It put me in a really tough spot. It wasn't just because I was 'nice' but because I thought it was going to be in our mutual best interests. I just failed to really consider my own needs or realistically assess the situation quite a bit.

I have anger about it - anger about the fact that I was operating so insistently on this one path to the exclusion of much of the other things in life that are important. I also have anger that my W seems to be the sole beneficiary of my sacrifices and yet she uses them as a way to find fault with me.

I think it's the necessary path. Do something - perhaps - temporary - rather than finding the right perfect career for you right now ...

I agree. I am looking for something that I can do.. seeing a vocational counselor was a step for me. But finding a job is proving to be a very confusing pursuit for me. So many of these jobs require things I have no idea about. I don't get the impression that they want someone 'learning' on the job.