I think I just stuffed up every DB principle that I was trying to apply. I was angry that my W never called me on my birthday, so I texted her to say so and that she should come and remove all her stuff from the house next weekend. We then got into a massive conversation about us, why she is doing this, why she won't give it a chance and try to make the M work. Her reasons: she got scared that she would be in an unhappy marriage She loves me as a good friend She doesn't want to bring kids into an unhappy marriage and feels she would be trapped in Australia if we did and it went wrong again She felt she could never make me happy I didn't show and express my love for her enough I treated her too much like my best friend and not a wife She doesn't trust us a a couple anymore She feels all my family and friends all look down on her now
I feel like there is no chance of this ever getting anywhere now. She has made her decision and thats final, as she says. She can't go back now, too much water has gone under the bridge so she says. Probably time to give up hey?
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
You called them "reasons"... that is exactly what they are... they may or may not have merit... they are her rationalizations as to why she thinks she's making the right choice...
It ain't over, 'til its over...
Review DB principles and start practicing them, again...
I do probably think it's time to give up now. I probably stuffed up all the LRT tactics I was trying to apply. I feel it can't work with someone who is so adamant that she can never go back and she is doing the right thing for her and us. Plus i only have limited time - she is moving back to America for good at Christmas time, so we will most likely never see each other again. My sitch really [censored], and she can't see me and us for the great things we had: the fun, love, friendship and common interests. All that is blocked and she says she is now a stronger person and her 'wall' won't come down.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
She has already filed......or as good as. She has engaged lawyers to discuss property settlement negotiations, she can't file properly until February next year.
My next step would to start being firm and proactive, rather than reactive. And start the negotiations through lawyers and show her that I'm not going to be stuffed around anymore and she's kidding herself if she thinks it's going to be nice between us and not get nasty.
I know the believe none of what they say rule, but I don't think it applies for her in this case. I feel she has been planning this for nearly a year now, so she would never consider not going through with it. I have been foolishly holding out hope that she would see the light, but I need to move on as she has. She even said if we had done marriage counseling this time last year, as she asked me to do, then we could have saved this. All too little too late now.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
I do, but it's hard not to believe it when its all I hear. I didn't make her feel beautiful, I didn't respect her enough, I took her for granted, I was immature at times, I was always unhappy .........that's all I hear from her. She won't acknowledge anything on her part. Hence I feel I wrecked the best thing in my life. It will get nasty because I am exposed financially. She has nothing to lose, she has no money, I bought everything, including our house, so I could lose a lot here, not only my wife but everything I have worked for - all for some petty reasons.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
I hear you cam, and I know exactly what it sounds like... it ran through my mind a LOT in the beginning of my sitch...
ouch on the financials... do what you can to protect yourself and what ends up going (if it ends up final), you'll have to chalk up to education expense...
Get yourself out and about with friends who can remind you of how the reality is, you ARE a great guy and deep down, are a complete opposite of your W's words...
