I have been following your situation since pretty close to day 1. I am under the impression your H has an enormous amount of junk, a lot of baggage. There's probably some of this you don't even know about.
I don't think he's done, even if he is with OW. Even if you're relagated to being plan B, at least right NOW.
Applaud yourself for what you've done. Your H is taking the hard road. He is trying to do it all yourself. You have taken great steps to resolve your issues. You are seeing a IC. You are on this message board. You are working on yourself.
IMO your H could use some help on his journey, but he has to come to that realization independently.
I have been following your situation since pretty close to day 1. I am under the impression your H has an enormous amount of junk, a lot of baggage. There's probably some of this you don't even know about.
I don't think he's done, even if he is with OW. Even if you're relagated to being plan B, at least right NOW.
Applaud yourself for what you've done. Your H is taking the hard road. He is trying to do it all yourself. You have taken great steps to resolve your issues. You are seeing a IC. You are on this message board. You are working on yourself.
IMO your H could use some help on his journey, but he has to come to that realization independently.
Just my VHO.
I don't know if I agree with you jb, about him not being done. His actions have not shown me at all that he cares about me or my kids. He's pretty much left us in the dust. Now that he has this "friend" that's he with, it's probably easier for him to pretend we don't exist at all.
The thing is, even as recent as a month ago I was blaming myself for all sorts of wrong doings and thinking I should have done this or I should have done that. I finally realized through the help of my IC that there is no "should" in life, there is no manual of what we should do.
I've finally left the past behind me. I don't think anyone can possibly understand how freeing this feels. I was holding on to things that happened years past. 5,10, even as much as 15 years back. A lot of it related to how I was raised and the bitter divorce from my 1st H, all gone. I've figured what's the point of holding on to so much baggage?
I am proud of myself for my changes and I can understand why so many of the vets here meant when they said do it for you and not your M.
I think I am coming to terms that my M is over. I'm not saying I am completely there, but I'm close. If H wants to D, then he can get the ball rolling. For now, I'm just going to be.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
I don't know if I agree with you jb, about him not being done. His actions have not shown me at all that he cares about me or my kids. He's pretty much left us in the dust. Now that he has this "friend" that's he with, it's probably easier for him to pretend we don't exist at all.
Fair enough, understood. You know your H a lot better than I do or ever will. I was only speculating on why he hasn't pursued D yet. It could be financial reasons or laziness, too.
Originally Posted By: DelinquentGurl
I've figured what's the point of holding on to so much baggage?
This is a very important realization. This is one example of how far you've come on this journey. You are traveling much lighter now. You can't run when you're carrying suitcases (There's a song with these lyrics - I didn't make that up myself, but I just like that statement)
Originally Posted By: DelinquentGurl
For now, I'm just going to be.
Good for you. You'll KNOW when it's time, and it won't just last a day or two.
Oh, I think there are those of us that can relate to letting go of the baggage.
One of the hardest things that happens now, and you likely know this, is learning to trust your instincts and act on them. You seem to be in that stage where you are waiting for him to make up his mind and while in that limbo, are trying to make sense of things. My thought is that is why you are wanting the time yet dreading it, no?
Hang in there. Time will pass regardless of what you do or do not do. There are times for action and times to wait. Your instinct will guide you in those, and your conscience will help you keep your instinct in reality mode. But the fog of limbo won't last any longer than needed
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I made myself a promise that I was going to wait a year before I act on anything, even though I feel I have dropped the rope and let go. My friends think I'm dumb for not at least filing for legal separation, so that way I don't have to keep him on my health insurance, but I don't want to do that. I can't explain it. I'm just not angry and I don't want to leave him without medical insurance. It's money I've never had in my pocket so I don't see the big deal in keeping it for now. It isn't like I am paying any of his bills for him, because I'm not. Personally, I don't think this makes me a doormat.
Oh, what I wouldn't give for a good night's sleep. I don't think I've slept at all this week. I keep waking up, checking the time, checking my phone. I don't know why, he doesn't contact me.
I'm so glad it's Friday.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
This weekend is my MIL's family reunion, and I can't help but think about last year at this time, when we were all up at the lake, having a great time. It's amazing how much can change in a year.
I'm not sure if my H & his S went or not. For his sake, I hope he did because he has an awesome family, but part of me doesn't because I'm sure they will ask about our sitch. I know, I know, I can't control it so I shouldn't care, but I do.
I'm really missing him tonight.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
Oh, what I wouldn't give for a good night's sleep.
In my opinion what brings the good night's sleep the fastest is dropping the rope. And meaning it. What also helps is to not sink to mean or rude behavior, regardless of how anyone else acts. Your friends will wonder about that with you, but trust me if you do something you'll regret later you'll push that good night's sleep out further and further.
The missing comes and goes. Have you tried re-doing your behavior patterns? It helps.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
