My feelings are changing...sitch isn't

[AJM]

My W said something similar before she moved out and after I had found out about the dating site: "The site seems like a different world or atleast another part of my life."

AJ, the "I'm right and your wrong mentality" very well could be an MLC thing, but my W has pretty much always been like that. That kind of makes me afraid that if she does wake up, she may be too proud to admit that she made a mistake and was wrong.

I had that same thought, Tad. Hard to say, but I think there as much said about that mentality since you posted this. I agree with much of it and even see some of me in it - the changing towards the negative person she is/was. No thanks, that's not for me.

Somebody else mentioned that their ex alluded to being a prisoner finally set free. Know what? In my case, I do kind of feel that way. My 20th was just recently. Two days before my stbx finally signed the sep papers. The day before I was served with D papers. Was it a little much to handle? It was. But I did not contact her. I don't contact her and only sometimes respond (not personal, I just don't pay much attention unless the kids are bleeding from an orifice or a limb falls off; by the time I think about responding I've often forgotten these days. That wasn't always the case of course...)
From what I've seen, the guilt is something they try hard to bury. That takes a lot of energy because they lash out at what isn't the problem. They put a lot of energy into this effort to the point of exhaustion. They forget things. They lose sight of things. They become selfish, biting, monsters. Part of the journey.

The friends thing? Your expectations of friends and hers are very different right now. You are hoping that friendship leads to something more and she is scared to death it might. See the dynamic?

My rule of thumb on that is that I don't have time in my life for jealous, petty, mean-spirited friends like my stbx has shown herself to be. She knows she is toward me and feels it is justified because of the things she made up about me. Nice eh? I've been distant from her to protect myself from that, Tad. I won't lie. I didn't move away from her soon enough. I didn't want to. Once I started however, I find that I really enjoy exploring who I really am and not who I am when she is around.

I didn't acknowledge my 20th with her either. I see no point in banging my head against the wall any longer. While I wish her the best, I have no desire to wallow in that world any longer.

AJ