So hard trying to pretend to be friends with her. This is what Chuck (my DB Coach) said I should do - act friendly and treat her like a sister. Very difficult to maintain without telling her my feelings.
This is where you need to work within yourself.
If you can't be friendly without it tearing you up. Don't do it. It will backfire.
Who am I to disagree with a DB coach, but rather than a sister I would think of it as a co-worker.
When you communicate be kind and polite. But I would not call right now "just to chat."
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
I can talk to her and be friendly now without getting too emotional. But it is hard, it is bloody hard. Chuck has given me the advice to do this, but I can't imagine how I will go when I see her. I just keep wondering if she is out picking up and meeting guys given her new single life. She has never been like that, but its been a while now so it tears me up inside wondering. Definitely not calling 'just to chat', I will leave it to her to initiate any contact.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
Thanks for your thoughts Hopeforgood. I think the 'nice' card is right. She knows how I feel about her and us, so if she wanted anymore she would say it.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
What have I been working on? Well, trying to move on, but struggling. Trying to GAL but its hard when all my friends now have babies and are tied down. I'm kind of the odd one out. I'm trying to throw myself back into work - I'm starting a new role within my company in a few weeks so looking forward to that. It's ironic though that my W was telling me to get a new role for so long because it was making me so unhappy and stressed, and now I've finally done it and its too late.
What do I like? Surfing, Golf, Travel, Dining out, Wine and spending time with my friends.
I like to be busy, as always on the go. I struggle to just sit and do nothing - which I've been doing a lot of lately.
What makes me interesting? I am usually fun to be around, usually happy and cheeky and confidant. Usually always smiling and social. This whole experience has really changed me.I am a very loyal person and generally a good person. I just don't handle stress and pressure too well and I take it out on the people closest to me.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
It had a lot to do with it. I was often unhappy and taking things out on her. I also took her for granted and she felt I didnt respect her enough, which is crap. I have the utmost respect for her, I just got complacent and focused too much on work and didn't think it was doing any damage to our marriage - well not enough damage to do what she's done. She fell out of love with me as she felt she couldn't make me happy and that I was unhappy with her, which isn't true. She says she got "scared" that the future would be tough with us. And also if we were to have children, which was supposed to be this year, then if things went bad again in the future then she would be "trapped" in Australia in either an unhappy marriage or as a single mum. None of it makes sense to me. I can see what I did wrong and the way I was behaving, but I feel a marriage should be forgiving and you work on it together, not run away.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
