Your H sounds like he's really "see-sawing," which I've read is very normal for the unfaithful S -- ambivalence is a hallmark of the state of mind during this time. To stay or go? I have not read "5 Love Languages," but I've heard many people on the BB go on about its powerful knowledge, so I'll have to pick it up. The best thing that we can do during this time is learn as much good info as possible. I agree with your H's likely mindset about the A -- my wife thought about it the same way (i.e. not an A but jumping from a crappy marriage to her "true" love). The fact that our S's "fell in love" with OP in just a couple of weeks further makes me skeptical of this "true love."
I very much appreciate that you posted that link. Your friend speaks to a lot of what I'm experiencing, and I'm sure that my W is feeling the same things that she is. I especially enjoyed the entry about how her H stuck by her, got strong, changed the bad stuff, and was loving the whole way through, and now it sounds like their M is better than ever. My dream is to make our M stronger than ever after this is all through (if it ever does end, but I'm feeling more confident these days that we will make it to that point).
I also find it interesting that so many sources have compared an A to a "drug" or "addiction" or "high," including your friend. Given the amount of chemicals rushing through the brain during this "high," it makes sense that the unfaithful S testifies to going through a "fog" during this time that clouds their judgment. It makes it easier to fight for your M, knowing that they're probably thinking about as straight as somebody on a regular street drug would be. With any luck, our S's will simply come down off their highs after a long enough time has passed to realize what they're walking out on...
Words can't express what it was like to hear her tell me about 3 weeks back that she missed me and sometimes felt like she wished it was me moving with her and not OM. I feel like that's the REAL her...she's just obscured by the drug of the A right now, I feel, and only if I allow her "trip" to run its course will she be able to see reality again...
