Compassion for a MLCer

[25yearsmlc]

First,

sorry about the tumor. Hopefully it's benign. Most are (Just had one of my own removed and it was benign and a great thing to have GONE).

I'm Catholic and picked up on the term "Christian" which you used, then contrasted with your use of the word Catholic. I assume you know Catholics are Christians. So is this an issue with your w?

Does she perceive your (possibly fundamentalist??) views as anti-Catholic?

Since she's revising the marital history to justify leaving, you have to counter the negatives she comes up with, with your positive CONTRASTING behaviors. If she said you "always were late", you are now early. If she said you were a poor dresser, you get snappy with the clothes. You have to show her that her data MIGHT once have been true

but it isn't now...and that's all that matters. If she has a valid complaint about something (say, being late) you can concede that by saying "there are a lot of things I'd do differently If I had it to do over again"....

If she over revises and just LIES about something, you can say "Wow, I don't recall it that way at all. But I'm sorry you were hurt..."

See, she cannot argue with either answer and chances are they are 180s for you. This confuses her about your potential for change.

Right or wrong, SHE thinks you need to change. And in truth, don't we all?

How have you changed or improved as a man? I think you listed not cheating or gambling as being signs of good h's but you know there's more...

Next, and probably more importantly, what are your 180s? And your GAL activities?

Those will do more to help YOU feel better, and to detach from wondering when the next shoe will drop, (which paradoxically, sometimes wake the WAS up,)

than anything else I know.

color:#990000] Note that to reconcile,

she has to believe that marriage to you today, from this day forward, would be better than before.

Would it? How so? If you cannot answer this, then you are not ready to reconcile.[/color]

Good luck