I was re-reading the "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock." I stumbled across this line that hit home.
"Should I, , after tea and cakes and ices, Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?"
I think I have in the past been doing that too much. "Forcing a moment to its crisis." I love that line and I love that idea.
Okay, enough of poetry hour.
My update is that I found an apt. I should do the lease tomorrow and I will probably move around the beginning of Sept. Overall, it really s@cks eggs. I mean really.
I found a place that was actually quite nice and had plenty of space for the kids. I know why my W wants this and why she feels this is the only option. (I disagree)
But I think I at least showed her I took her concerns seriously and acted on them. Because I do love her and want the best for our M.
I think she has no idea what she's in for and I'm scared that she will grow to hate me for leading us to this. She doesn't always think things through.
However, she is pretty hopeful overall. She's been talking a lot about a positive outcome and getting our marriage back. I think a month ago, she was still in the "I don't know" phase and wasn't really hoping for anything. Of course, she does this to keep out the negative thoughts.
She also asked me to schedule and MC appt. I had been suggesting this for a while because I wanted his help with the separation in order to get the best result. She finally agreed last night to set up the appt (before I found out about the apt today)
I don't know if it is the start of MC (again) or just a one-time thing. I surmise (as I am want to do) that we will have the move-out appt, then take a breather for a month or so..then get back into it.
I have to the positive about this change. I think it will do some good as I won't be around her as much. It's good for me too. Plus it's like 2 min from my office - short commute, lunch @ home.
My only issue is the kids. My oldest son has grown super attached to me. I worry about the effect on him and we will do everything in our power to minimize it, but you can't do everything. I suspect he will probably stay over a lot.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
epiphany - a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.
One of my favorite words. Not just the meaning but the way it flows, much like: cellar door.
Quote:
But I think I at least showed her I took her concerns seriously and acted on them. Because I do love her and want the best for our M.
I think you showed her as well. I think you showed her that despite your fear and worry, and despite that you disagree, what she thought and what she felt was more important than those things.
Quote:
My only issue is the kids. My oldest son has grown super attached to me. I worry about the effect on him and we will do everything in our power to minimize it, but you can't do everything. I suspect he will probably stay over a lot.
"We can handle anything ourselves...as long as it doesn't affect the kids."
I still believe this. Like the kids become the rally cry for injustice done. I am a father too, so I found myself falling into this trap. I could handle anything she did to me, but how dare she do this to my children!
ahem...
Well, they were my pressure valve. My little lie to myself, when things got really bad, I could hoist the kids flag and start slitting throats.
Harrier, while you do not think the seperation is a good thing and that is where your thoughts will follow...what if it is a good thing for your marriage?
What if this is what needs to happen for a fulfilling marriage where your children get to see a healthy marriage rebuilt?
what if...
what if...
We both are playing this game...
in opposite directions. : )
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Harrier, I've said before that I don't know what will happen in your sitch, but I know with 100% certainty that my sitch had 0% chance of survival if I hadn't moved out. I don't know my chances now, but they are waaaaaaaaaaaaayyy better than 0. I am just as certain of that. It will suck a$$ (or eggs), and it might help.
M: 39 W: 37 Married: 9 D5; S3 "It's Over" 09/26/10 11 Day Sep 10/10 Piecing Starts 11/4/10 Piecing Fails 4/11 I move out 5/11 Hire Lawyer 6/11 - Stall 6/22/11 Piecing #2 - 6/22/11 Home 10/11
The concert last night was FANTASTIC. Don't know if you know the group but it was The Airborne Toxic Event.
Their opening song got me a little choked up about my situation. the last few lines - All I can think is that it must a kind of Rebellion, To arm your fields like soldiers and Slay them.
I can tell you that you’re all I ever wanted, dear through the din of your breathing while you’re sleeping here you wake and ask me if I thought I’d be here forever, forever, forever
Your face so twisted and your eyes a lie I want to tell you I can change you when you cry at night But I’d be lying Love is defying
They have a lot of songs that speak to me about where I am. Still it was fun. Any group that covers 'I fought the law', 'Folsom Prison Blues' and 'I'm on Fire' is okay in my book.
The group features a female violinist. She was kinda haunting.
Anywho -that was last night.
Ever since I told my W about the apt. she's been acting kinda strange - depressed and distant. I think it's gotten real. Our MC appt is set for Aug. 25.
I don't know how to act. I don't want to be depressed, but I worry if I'm too upbeat it will be rubbing it in her face even though I don't 100% agree. I guess I will follow her lead, but not quite as morose.
Don't worry Jack - I had the kids convo in my head with the same result. they are still pretty young, but as the child who was abandon by his father it hits close to home.
I do hope this reduces some of the tension in our house because the limbo is removed, at least part of it. Hopefully, we can enjoy the time for now.
I'm kinda curious why my w pretty insistent on the MC appt (even before she found out about the apt). I hate to ask. I guess i will have my answer on the 25th, eh. I have my IC appt that same week on Monday.
Tomorrow I have a race at the beach. My W may or may not come with the kids depending on the weather.
One strange bit of psychoanalysis on my W. I have notice in the past month or so my W has started talking in her sleep again. She did this pretty regularly throughout our marriage, but stopped about 2 years ago. Now it's starting again.
X you gotta help us our here. Did you ever play Clue?
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
