The BIG D and its Path of Destruction - Part 2

[LITB]

After reflecting on this week, I find myself setback a bit after the hearing and seeing my X for the first time in 4 months. I had been able to detach from her and thought that I was in a good place emotionally. Having a face to face convo with her, brought many feelings to the surface. I still very much love this woman. I’d consider taking her back if she decided she wanted to try to work things out.

I suspect that she is in a R with an OM at this point and I believe that it has been going on since January. The signs certainly point in that direction. Despite how much I thought that I was detached, I’ve been hurt by this over the last couple of weeks. It suks.

I realize that there is not anything that I can do about her R, so I will continue to aggressively pursue custody of our children. After much thought, some research and talking with several people, I feel that the custody evaluation will come out in my favor.

From what I gather, the psychologist will most likely pull all of the skeletons out of our closets. I will admit that I have 2 of them in mine and my X knows about one of them. In order to be completely truthful with the board, I will share them with you.

The one my X knows about is not a deal breaker one way or the other. I used to smoke mj for about 4 years before I met my X. I quit once we began dating as I knew she did not approve of it. Since Memorial Day of 1996, I have smoked maybe 5 times. The last time coming in January of 09.

The one my X does not know about and would most likely be a deal breaker as far as reconciliation goes. In early 03, I had a 2 month EA that turned into a 1 month PA with a former co-worker. I will do the math for you. My X was pregnant with our D at the time. It is something I have a great deal of regret for doing and I will not make any excuses for it.

Perhaps what I am dealing with now is karma coming back my way.

Neither of these ever hindered my ability to be a great father. I have always put my children first. As a matter of fact, I didn’t take my X on enough dates, because I did not like to leave them with anyone. This also hurt me in the grand scheme of things.

At any rate, I am moving forward with the custody evaluation.