My X asked me to consider backing off. I am torn. This might be the time for me to negotiate. I don't think she can handle the kids full-time during the school year, along with her ill mother.
All I can suggest is take PLENTY of time to make this decision. Get your head clear first.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Thank you everyone for the support. I truly appreciate it.
I had a decent nights rest after yesterday's craziness. I still don't see how the pendulum will swing in my favor after all the effort I put into this hearing.
Additionally, I don't think it is in the best interest of my children to drag them through a custody evaluation to find myself in the same position.
I believe that it will just cost me everything in the long run. I will end up paying alimony, more child support and my children living 1100 miles away from me.
It will take a lot of convincing from my L for me to keep fighting. I just don't see it at this moment.
I feel it is the best time to negotiate to get everything else I want. It is likely that I will have to move to NM if I want to be an active father. It sukks, because I have no desire to move to NM. Only for my kiddos.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
After a few email exchanges with my L, I feel much better. This custody evaluation might not be a bad thing. Here is part of an email from my L:
I know that the evaluation process is expensive. However, one aspect is psychological testing of you and your X, interviews with everyone involved, including your mother and the children's teachers. Interviews with you and the children, X and the children, the children alone, you alone, X alone. Then that person makes a decision based on the psychological profile of everyone involved from the testing, and the information gathered in the interviews and review of all of the Declarations filed with the Court, as to what is in the children's best interest.
I know for a fact that I have always had the best interest of our children in mind.
It would be interesting to me to have my X evaluated to see what is going on with her.
Time to get off the canvas and get my head back into this thing. I see some hope. I am going to think about it over the weekend.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
It isn't as costly as I anticipated. At least the cost from the first psychologist that responded.
His retainer is 5K to start and $200 per hour. The subsequent payments are negotiable and the entire cost is due before the completion of the evaluation.
I am most likely going to push for the custody evaluation. I realize that all the skeletons will be pulled out of the closet, including mine.
This is the only way for me to get my children back in my care for what I feel is a fair amount of time without moving to NM.
The X was still trying to make me feel guilty about the cost for both she and I as I try to get my children back. She is the one who wanted a D. She asked that I consider moving to NM.
I just don't think that is a good idea.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
After reflecting on this week, I find myself setback a bit after the hearing and seeing my X for the first time in 4 months. I had been able to detach from her and thought that I was in a good place emotionally. Having a face to face convo with her, brought many feelings to the surface. I still very much love this woman. I’d consider taking her back if she decided she wanted to try to work things out.
I suspect that she is in a R with an OM at this point and I believe that it has been going on since January. The signs certainly point in that direction. Despite how much I thought that I was detached, I’ve been hurt by this over the last couple of weeks. It suks.
I realize that there is not anything that I can do about her R, so I will continue to aggressively pursue custody of our children. After much thought, some research and talking with several people, I feel that the custody evaluation will come out in my favor.
From what I gather, the psychologist will most likely pull all of the skeletons out of our closets. I will admit that I have 2 of them in mine and my X knows about one of them. In order to be completely truthful with the board, I will share them with you.
The one my X knows about is not a deal breaker one way or the other. I used to smoke mj for about 4 years before I met my X. I quit once we began dating as I knew she did not approve of it. Since Memorial Day of 1996, I have smoked maybe 5 times. The last time coming in January of 09.
The one my X does not know about and would most likely be a deal breaker as far as reconciliation goes. In early 03, I had a 2 month EA that turned into a 1 month PA with a former co-worker. I will do the math for you. My X was pregnant with our D at the time. It is something I have a great deal of regret for doing and I will not make any excuses for it.
Perhaps what I am dealing with now is karma coming back my way.
Neither of these ever hindered my ability to be a great father. I have always put my children first. As a matter of fact, I didn’t take my X on enough dates, because I did not like to leave them with anyone. This also hurt me in the grand scheme of things.
At any rate, I am moving forward with the custody evaluation.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
